2014: Fin

It was an exhausting night, team, and one that we might want to forget. With but one sub, 25-degree weather, some pre-game demoralizing traffic jams, and an opponent comprising nubile University students, horses, horse-faced students, and be-sleeved American douches – the cards were not dealt in our favour. And to lazily continue this already lazy analogy, we hit none of the Turn, Flop nor River, and thusly got our asses kicked, 15-4.

So let’s talk about those 4 points, shall we? And the positives. Errr, actually, I was so winded and punch-drunk by the end of my second shift that I can’t immediately recall who scored – so let’s keep this general! Their man-man D was really tight, making it very difficult to get open for even a swing pass between handlers and laggards (like me)  – so kudos to Punter and Xena for being able to do so consistently. Kudos also to Bunny and Tim for their stamina and willingness to handle, and to Glutes for running his glutes off and for making some great catches. And I don’t even need to mention Coach and Captain, who are the anchors around which this team wildly flails – AND I MEAN THAT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!

The Lower Backville Chiropractic Player of the Game, as voted by our opponents and as backed by me, is Tim, who played fantastic. Cheers!

Finally, and most importantly, please vote at the following link, if you haven’t already, to help Michelle schedule our end-year BBQ. It would be good to see y’all once again.

http://doodle.com/xxe5g8e66h6yxxw7

Great season, team. Y’all are good people.

-AA

PS: stay tuned for some additional pics we were able to snap last night…

Peak Hammer?

Hey party people,

I was hoping to have a few beautifully-edited action shots from last night, to provide a more visual summary of our victory – but pizza, beer, sleep and now DAMN WORK has interfered. Stay tuned. Bunny snapped a few awesome shots, as did Partner and future-recruit Cynthia.

We’ve played many a decent game this year, team, but last night we may have realized our ~full potential. We stacked. We cut. We swung. We scored. It was a thing of beauty - peak Hammer; the result of a season of great coaching from Coach, I reckon, coupled with some residual aggro motivation from last week’s loss. The unfortunate thing is that we will only have one more game in which to apply all of this realized skill before succumbing to the annual fall/winter regression. Sigh.

Last night’s HON candidates, IMO:

• After a year of handling, Sally (who played great) scoring what may have been her first point of the season (confirm?);
• Punter making an INSANE catch to score off of an admittedly wonky pass from Sharky;
• Speaking of Sharky, he made a great defensive pass block at half field, the read and sprint to which started in the end zone(!); and
• Chippy/Doc/Sauce/Aimee/Tartar for a running, two-kneed sliding catch that would have made Marty McFly proud.

Obviously, there were many other highlights. *read wistfully* It was great having Tim and Green back on our side to run, block, pass and score like maniacs. Coach was EVERYWHERE. Bunny… showing off for his wife and kids. Partner… being awesome and sharing incredible insider hockey player gossip. And Captain is basically a Teale-esque handler now. We are all highlights, all the time. PRIME TIME!

Consensus Freeman’s Greek Veggie Pizza Player of the Game is Chippy/Doc/Sauce/Aimee/Tartar/Danaerys Targarian/Storm-born/Mother of Dragons/etc. etc. for a second half for the ages. After two end-zone drops, a primal scream and an epic disk spike, she ran down everything for the rest of the night. With a (literal) vengeance. All Odds didn’t know what hit ‘em.

Many kisses, team. I’ll update later with pics.

-AA

EDIT: PS: I am not suggesting above GIF looks like Aimee, only that she is displaying Aimee-esque levels of intensity. Lol.

Yabba-Dabba… D’oh!

Through the first two rounds of the 2013-14 NHL playoffs, the New York Rangers had a laughably terrible power play. By Game 4 against the Penguins, they would be just 3-for-42, for a conversion rate of 7.1%. It got to the point where the commentators would routinely make jokes suggesting that NY decline penalty calls. Seeing as I give zero shits about the New York Rangers (and even less so after they accidentally-on-purpose injured Carey Price… RAGE), the whole situation was kinda funny to me – but NO MORE! Folks, we are those New York Rangers – so inept with the man advantage. So, so inept. 

To back-up for a moment, for the many who weren’t there: our competitors last night – the black-clad, in-fighting, Draft team – were only able to field two female players, and were thus given the option of forfeiting or playing with six peoples. Or we were given the option of making them forfeit, or something. I don’t remember. The end result was that they played the entire game with only two females, and six total, on the field. In retrospect, mayhaps we should  have played six aside, as well. 

Now, this is not to say that we would have won (PS: we lost) had they been able to field seven or if we had played six, as they fielded a number of crazy-fast, muscular, antelope-legged, tattooed, possible ex-members of CrazyTown and BioHazard (the best descriptor Sharky and I could come up with was “hipster meth-head hockey players”). They were quick, and advanced the disk real efficient-like. And their captain, a six-foot-plus dead-ringer for Fred Flintstone (says Sally, and we all agreed), was a six-foot-plus dead-ringer for Fred Flintstone. He was good at being tall.

This is also not to say that we did not play well, or that we didn’t attempt to exploit their lax coverage (they didn’t even zone us, which would’ve made lotsa sense) – we did an excellent job of identifying the open player and feeding them the disk (yum). And temporary recruit James (aka “AB”, for Allie’s Boyfriend, because the last thing we need is another J-name!), was also quite effective at being tall and fast. And Jeeves’ hair was MAGNIFICENT – it was responsible for at least two of our seven points. 

All this speculative logic is hurting my head! Ultimate-ly (heh), we played well, but lost, basically because of one guy. And the field reeked like shit, or cat food, or Pictou (depending on who you asked). And it was fun, regardless, except for the smells, which were not fun. And Glutes scored with his face. And Chippy launched the disk into Glutes’ face from 6 feet away. And it was marvelous. 

The Ship Victory UGHHH I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING Curry Mayo Player of the Game is Punter, for her ability to evade her zero defenders and give us repeated easy passes up the field. That sounds sarcastic, but it’s not. Bonus points also to her and Captain for telling me in no uncertain terms to STFU at the pre-huck lineup when I tried to devise a defensive plan that was counter to their own. Which also sounds sarcastic, but it’s not, because frankly I don’t know what the hell I’m doing… :) 

Not sure where next week’s game is, but I hope to see you there. Note that we only have two games left before playoffs, which, sadly, it seems we’ll have to bow out of. *womp* 

Have a good weekend, all! 

-AA

Foul 'Balls

GODDAMN THAT WIN FELT GOOD… like, first-day-of-vacation or 10-hours-of-uninterrupted-sleep type good. And, judging from the number of times I flopped to the ground in relief/shock/ecstasy – on the sidelines, no less – I was FEELING it. Possibly a little too much, given that this was, y’know, bottom-tier, un-refereed, recreational Frisbee. But I am nothing if not acutely self-aware, albeit often retroactively, and my post-game auto-behavioral scanner likens my (i) skittering eyes, (ii) inability to complete a full sentence or thought, (iii) subsequent chest-pains and (iv) penchant for high-fiving the shit out of everything, to my 3-year old’s eiiiieeeeeeeeeee manner whist in the throes of an Oreo bender. When identified to be in this state, know that we are fucking PUMPED, but do not expect any meaningful decisions or conversation.

But what a game. It would be totally cliché to describe it as a “roller-coaster”, so I’ll just say it went up, then came down really quickly, before going up again. With lots of screaming and arms waving in the air. More specifically: we had the lead, then almost blew it (again!), before being saved in the end with some crack strategizing from Teale and Coach. Further, The Peltch, Bunny and Jeeves are establishing themselves as quite the defensive specialists, while Sharky, Tim and Chippy (Doc? Sauce? Tartar? Aimee?) seem to consistently find the end zones. Our handlers handled the handling (handily), we moved the disc really well (see: Partner - Xena - Captain - repeat), Nick miraculously overcame a mysterious workday illness to attend and contribute, and we scored opportunistically (except when we didn’t). Kudos to all y’all.

Collectively, we seem to have overcome our hatred of this purple team, who look to have ditched their overly aggressive, tall and douchy members for those much nicer (and incidentally, not nearly as good). Even shouty Fred Durst was pretty cool, when not shouting numbers into your face... which leads me to my favourite moments of the game (after the win, of course):

1. Tim's quick interception in the Dodgeball red-zone, and subsequent score, leading to some highly entertaining purple infighting - to quote: "Suck my dick, Joe!" (lol)
2. Teale's full field bomb to a sprinting Coach, who... just... barely... missed. It was the near-play of the season.
3. Sharky to Jeeves (confirm?) for the insurance marker at 7:52. My recollection of this one is a little hazy as I was busy screaming skyward in celebration, my vision obfuscated by tears of joy.
4. The spirit-y balls on Teale to call that foul on a play that happened two passes and another foul call prior, not to mention about 50-yards upfield. 
5. And a twenty-play tie for every catch Captain snagged last night. Dodgeball agreed: she was the Larry Uteck Public Drinking Player of the Game.

 Excellent. See y'all next week - in Dartmouth.
-AA

Glass: Half Full? Half Empty? I'd Like a New Glass, Please

Easy come, easy go, Hammers.

So we lost, it’s true. So we blew a big, early lead… also true. So we chose to turn a blind eye to some questionable (innocent?) defensive tactics, or at least grumble to ourselves about them on the sidelines (true), and it may have come back to bite us (maayyybe true). But I encourage y’all to look on the bright side here: namely, that a 5-1 first half lead is not insurmountable, which we should keep in mind next time we find ourselves in a bit of a hole.

Further, it was a cool, sunny evening. We got to run around lots. They provided post-game cookies, and were a relatively well-spirited team if you didn’t mind the overly-familiar old dude with the camera who totally invaded our personal team sideline space (WHICH HE TOTALLY DID ALL NIGHT). And a few of us had a post-game beer or two (or 1.25, eh Jean!).

And I don’t know about you, but I was just happy to put my depressed state of a post-vacation life on hold for a few hours.

Further still, we had a HUGE showing last night. If team Volume had any measurable impact on outcome, we would’ve slayed them (although they may have had the advantage in total team height, or length if they were laying down). Plus, we fielded like, nine dudes and managed to score some solid emergency female subs in Erin and Jen. But alas, the ability of a team to displace the most amount of water does not a victory make (Jesus Christ, that was terrible), and we came up two points short. The turning point was clearly their extended time out, which allowed them to devise a strategy to counter our frantic, cup-busting offence. One day later, and I still don’t know what their strategy was, but it clearly worked…

Our handlers, Coach, Sally and Teale, had a solid (if frustrating) night, as did everyone else: Sharky, Bunny, Punter, Green and Tim all had sticky fingers; Jeeves, Captain and The Peltch were solid on defense (I never tire of seeing Jeeves get his foot-blocks all up in opponents’ faces). AND, we managed to injure a few opponents: Punter clearly tipped the disc into some poor girl’s face, Green almost took another girl’s wrist off, and a quick Teale-to-Sharky score caused their barefoot’d superstar to destroy his hand on the turf (which he then taped up and played through… natch). And thus, I award the Lion’s Head Tavern Cute Little Kiddie Beer MVP award (pictured sideways below)  to The Pelch for the most authoritative pass block of the year. It was really something. It caused me to scream.

See you all next week, party peoples. Until then, rock on, don’t fear the reaper, something something… \m/
-AA

Ultimate players don’t share

That sun was bright! Thank god we won the toss and we picked the side of the field with the sun at our backs. That was Coaches bright idea ;)  Although that really didn’t help us much, because Draft Punk ended up scoring the first two points.  I blame Partner for showing up a few minutes late and we had to play short a female. But she made up for that by catching a few long bombs into the end zone breaking two nails in the process and nearly stepping on Sharky’s head as they both collided into each other in the end zone (very interesting mishap if I do say so myself).

We fought those two points back quickly with some AMAZING catches by Jeeves! That guy was flying all over the place. Those grass stains will be tough to get out for next week.  D-Land made an appearance again this game and whipped out a few hammers that helped us take the lead.

As half time was approaching I noticed two soccer teams at the end of the field waiting to start their game.  As we were taking a much needed break (especially the three females!) we were approached by a lady in bright pink pants who was insisting they had the felid and wanted us to get off or move over a bit so they could play too.  Draft Punk made their way over to help us with Ms. Pink Pants.  The conversation got heated as we asked for their field permit and they were not able to provide one.

Pink Pants wanted to compromise and share the field. Can you fucking imagine?? Four ultimate teams and two soccer teams all playing on one field? She was clearly nuts! A long time Ultimate player from Draft Punk (Roger) walked over and said “Can I see your permit?” Pink Pants said “I don’t have one” Roger- “well then you can’t play here” and started to walk away.  Pink Pants “You are an asshole! And we will just play anyway; call the cops if you want” Michelle-“okay, go ahead we will just call the cops”.   In the end Ms. Pink Pants waited us out and everything was fine.  She wasn’t happy but that wasn’t our problem.  HRM made the mistake of double booking the field.  Good job she didn’t ask for our permit ;)  Maybe I print that sucker out and have it with me lol.

After that confutation we were all fired up and ready to win this game.  We were up by one at half and within minutes into the second half we were up by two.  Amazing catches and defensive moves by Green, Coach, Sally, Bunny and Tim to help us with the win! Seriously, we had some crazy/almost impossible catches that were made last night.   I won’t talk about the not so crazy and very possible catches that should have been made last night by me ;)

I award the tight pink pants (did I mention these pants were tight!!! Puke city!) no permit player of the game to SanJeev and Dan for their crazy/nearly impossible catches and defensive moves in the end zone. 

See you cats next week!! I might come out sporting some hot pink pants next week ;)

Captain

 

*FYI - I think Becky is being to nice about pink pants.  She was very loud and obnoxious and should not have been wearing tight pants, regardless of colour.  She also called us assholes which sealed the deal on the sharing aspect.  It also made me want to fight her.  Which would then have sealed the deal as this being the most ridiculous thing to ever happen on a frisbee field.  Also, I was very sore this morning.  I should not run that much.  That is all.

Well that was a thing of beauty Hammers

Said former Hammer Captain D-Land from the sidelines of last night's IMPRESSIVE 11-10 win (former in that he is no longer captain - for the record he is still a member of said Hmmers and also very much alive as he showed last night when he took out not one, but two of the Dodgeball girls - more on that later).  Quite frankly I don't even know where to begin - there was just so many good things that happened last night.  Oh wait, I do know where to begin....

One thing is for certain - I should not be allowed to lead any cheer.  Like ever.  I mean it is an actual miracle that we won given my incompetence in the cheer circle.  It could have really deflated the team before we even began.  It was awkard. I was screaming STOP and no one was following. I forgot the importance of the "On three" statement.  I mean what the f*ck.  So I thank you all for last night's win and you making me feel better about my collosal failure.  To express my sincere thanks here are my personal messages:

Captain - thank you for turning to me in the cheer circle and telling me - forcefully I might add - that I must lead the cheer.  I blame you for my deflated self-confidence and the random teary episodes I have been suffering from all day.  I mean perhaps this is a learning moment and in a few years, after many dollars spent in therapy, I will thank you for teaching me this important lesson.  Probably not though.

Green - your dedication to being a circus clown in your sparetime is serving you well.  I mean that is the only explanation for that jump, catch between the legs, hop up disc catch in the end zone last night.  Which was a thing of beauty.  And sure to make the TSN Top Ten which apparently does show Ultimate highlights - when they are worthy.  I also award you the "WTF to no drinks after Ultimate" Player of the Game.

Tim - thank you for bringing back the beard.  I was confused by your clean shaven face.  Also, nice hands last night.  I attribute this to the beard.  And there were more than a few impressive diving grabs.

D-Jean/Dijon/any other hilarious D nickname inlcuding some basketball player named Dirk - thank you for running in at top speed to the end zone where Sauce and I stood looking/watching a disc that we may not have caught.  Not only did you catch said disc which resulted in a point (phewf) but also SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF US.  The other team was heard saying "did you see that guy try to take out two of his own girls."  Anyway, that one point was clearly the difference so we thank you for ensuring that disc did not drop and not putting physical safety in the way of a victory.

D-Land - speaking of physical safety...thank you for taking out two of the Dodgeball girls - one quite forcefully.  I mean those girls were SO difficult to deal with.  They were friendly, talked to us, played hard but were not agravating (other than the hairy girl who was not so much agravating but just weird).  They deserved that body check message.  Also, nice work being rewarded with spirit beer for such physical prowess.  This is why I like playing the Dodgeball team.  They get the true "spirit" of the game.

Coach - thank you for not knowing Honey Boo Boo's Father's name.  If you had known said name, your role and nickname may be in issue.  Fortunately your calming nature and commitment to the team and your role as Coach ensured another Hammers V.

Doc Sauce - thank you for letting us change your nickname from Sauce to Doc Sauce.  And for making me and Sally laugh a lot all game.  Like all game.

Bunny - I think last night it became clear that you are called Bunny not because it is funny (but wholly crap it is) but because you just keep going and going.  There was a lot of running by you last night.  A lot.  Fast running.  Very fast.  Good work.

Sharky - thank you for sitting down with Green in between his circus gigs and developing plays for the two of you.  The one you refered to as "3" last night was pure brilliance.  And impressive to watch.  You two are a force.  Good work.

Punter - have we decided your nickname is offensive?  I think (hope) we agreed on no.  Regardless, you were amazing last night.  I like the initiative to try some handling.  And there was a really, really nice point in there for you and Captain.  Woot.

Sally - you are the master of the flick.  Don't let anyone tell you backhand is the way to go.  It is not.  In many facets of life but mostly Ultimate. 

So there.  Long-winded, late entry.  You are welcome.

xo MK

Ruh-Roh!

The wind. It blows, both literally and figuratively, at least for us Hammers, at least for last night. And our opponents, seemingly-friendly as they may have been, smartly rode said beast wind like a deranged Pegasus, repeatedly pinning us on our own goal by some combination of godless black magic and ample zone cuppage. The situation was bleak, and spirits were low. Bunny was nursing a wounded wrist; Glutes a wonky groin (or leg, or something). But then, in a pulpy second act twist, the Hammers crack coaching staff - led by… Coach and coach-emeritus DL - unmasked our opponent’s strategy, revealing our path forward, “solving the mystery”, if you will.

(Yes, yes - this Scooby-Doo theme is a mess… but, onward!)

This season, we have become something of a second half team, and this was also the case last night. After re-grouping at half, we were able to climb to within spitting distance of our foes. Certainly, they were dreaming of a 15-3 romp, and they would have achieved it, too, if it weren’t for us drat kids. BOOM! (*sigh*).

EDIT: We lost, 12-7.

Highlights, lowlights and revelations:

• DL making it out for his first game of the year, then CLEARING THE FENCE with a monstrous hammer (high/lowlight: the subsequent wardrobe malfunction of the zealous dude who went to retrieve it);
• Rookie (this is now Ally’s nickname, btw) appearing to score (yay), but standing mere inches off the field (booooo);
• Strong D from The Pelch (this is now D-Jean’s nickname, btw) and Punter;
• Check out the sticky fins on Sharky, who chased down a few big passes;
• Big scores from Bunny and Partner and fearless handling from Captain and Coach;
• Did one of THEM berate a fellow teammate? I heard rumblings over beers, but didn’t get all the details… please elaborate in the comments; and
• Last but not least, in a wild revelation, it has been discovered that Tim was once a member of the pre-Bag Of Hammers HURL franchise XXX, where he played with DL and quite possibly his namesake. Serendipity! And now I am off to revise our Hammers History spreadsheet, which is becoming increasingly spider-webby.

And I award the Poorly-Received Ugly T-Shirt Player Of the Game Award to Sharky, for his goal line snags and determination to learn the forward fin flick. Atta-boy, Sharky.

See y’all next week,

AA

On Sharks, Dolphns & Hammers

“Well, that was fun”, said the old man blog author, seriously, while quietly lamenting the soreness of his hamstrings and glutes, thereby acknowledging the unyielding passage of time and slow onward march towards death, “I should have stretched”.

Then he re-read his opening sentence and, with a lengthy sigh punctuated with a belch, acknowledged it was terrible, but refused to delete or re-write it because he only has about 20 minutes of lunch break to write these things and can’t be bothered to revisit every poorly worded passage that seems to suggest in the third person that the author is capable of communicating four things simultaneously.

Where was I? Oh right, the game. Well done, Hammers. First thing’s first – we LOOKED AWESOME in our sweet sweet (sweet) new duds:

While we lost, it’s true, we lost by a mere two despite giving the Dolphins a four point head-start. Close, fun games with results like these will keep us sitting pretty in the appropriate tier of the league – which is VERY important because the potential for both blowouts and encounters with horse-legged, anal-retentive rule Nazis is directly proportional to league standing. Be forewarned. It’s also worth noting that as of this morning, we are tops in the league in spirit rating, with a spirit score of… Gold Star! I don’t know what any of this means, but hopefully it results in free beer (as it did when Picaroon’s was a major league sponsor – TRUE STORY).

Highlights: I enjoyed watching our nine-fingered Coach Dan swat away many a wayward pass; James “Green” Green repeatedly leaving his coverage in the grass clippings; a rotating team of fearless handlers (Jenn! Becky!) stepping up as required; wild circus catches from Tim/Jay and “Sharky” Chris; and solid passing, cutting and spirit from all y’all. I’m certain potential new (tall!) recruit Allie (Ally?) was suitably impressed also (she took a jersey, suggesting commitment). I also really enjoyed the looks of confusion on both teams’ faces as we called out nicknames mid-play. Sharky!

The Lion’s Head Creepy Karaoke Rehearsal Player Of The Game would have to go to Mr. Green for his multiple scores, in but his second Ultimate game ever – his quick success almost makes a mockery of the sport.

Have a good weekend, folks. Don’t blow away.

AA

Bag Of Hammers 2014: Mer De Noms

We came. We saw. We cupped. We zoned. We hammered. We conquered... (*mic drop*). A surprisingly well-spirited game and a very satisfying win, y’all – although somewhat less satisfying without a number of the more obnoxious Dodgeball players present to feel the HAMMER BURN. Maybe next time.

Last night saw both the welcome return of Jean and Michelle, who both played great, and the re-introduction of the Hammer Zone-D, with a cup comprised entirely of confused dudes (including myself). Jenn had a monster game, and was thusly rewarded by the purple guys with a big brown bottle of delicious craft beer. As far as I know, said beer remains un-drunk (word?), so we’ll have to pay this forward next week. To put a title on this, I hereby dub her the Armview Fancy Chilean Greens (w/ Pino Grigio) Player of the Game. Kudos! Shout-out also to the great Jamie-Jay chemistry on display. Whee!

But let’s get down to business. Last night we discussed nicknames, after it became obvious that the only way any of us can possibly ever address Jean in the future is as Dijon (or D-Jean, as in “great D, Jean!”), even if we only ever say the “D” silently to ourselves. Once it was evident how much Mr. Pelletier did not support this development,  the deal was, howdoyousay… sealed. Further, given our James/Jamie/Jay/Jean situation, we clearly need handles for EVERYBODY. So, with historical Hammer nick-provider Derek left unfamiliar with many of y’all,  Becky and I came up with the following:

• Becky – CAPTAIN, obviously;
• Jamie – TEALE, obvious and necessary;
• James – GREEN, also obvious and necessary;
• Jay – TIM, as he looks remarkably like ex-Hammer captain Tim, which leads me to call him “Tim” from the sidelines… so this should make things easier for me;
• Jean – DIJON/D-JEAN, as discussed… sorry, Jean;
• Dan – COACH, obviously, because he’s the coach;
• Aimee – CHIPPY, as in Fish & Chip…py (see here), because ”tartar” is kind of a gross word;
• Michelle – PARTNER, ‘cuz she owns a goddamn law firm (or part of one);
• Sandy – BUNNY, for no good reason, other than LOL;
• Chris – SHARKY, also for no good reason, unless you count my nostalgia for long-since-cancelled Fox Kids cartoons from the 90s (i.e. Eeek-stravaganza!)… which as far as I’m concerned is a fine reason;
• Aaron – DOUBLE-A, as dubbed by Derek when I joined the team, circa 2006 (note: I’m old);
• Nick – FLOUNDER, randomly, because I think it’s funny… and because Gluteous McGlutenfree is too long and suggests his defining personality trait is an inability to eat french fries… and because of Animal House;
• Jenn – SALLY, in reference to her car, in the most classic rock of manner (i.e. Mustang Sally… groan), and because “Benny” would be too lazy of a choice;
• Sanjeev – this is a tough one, as I see a solid 3 options: (i) NEW MIKE, as he is ~small and quick, and is essentially a “new Mike”; (ii) SAN-MAN, as offered by Becky, and may also be an existing handle (?); or (iii) JEEVES, the stuffy English butler, which is by far the easiest to say – which do y’all prefer? Help;
• Derek – D-LAND, as dubbed potentially by Derek himself, or maybe Tim (note: not to be confused with D-JEAN);
• Marie – EMINEM… Marie MacCormick… M&M… obviously; annnnnd
• Colleen – PUNTER, because newf!

You may only reject your handle if you can provide a better one. Sorry if I have offended anyone (srsly).

See yous all next week. Drive safe. Play safe.

-AA

Green and Teale (the team with way too many “J’s”)

As I was walking towards the field last night I was thinking the wind might make for a challenging game, but it actually worked in our favor! Draft Punk has always been a great team to play against over the years.  This year, unfortunately, they seem to have a pretty intense male player who was probably just pissed off because he was an idiot and biked to the field last night from the Halifax Shopping Centre .  Who does that!??? But to make up for the douche bag on the team they have a super funny guy who I think we all noticed and got a kick out of.  Draft Punk had the best “Three Cheers for the Bag of Hammers” cheer. The dudes laugh at the end was classic!

This week’s showing was so much better than last week’s showing.   We had two full lines of guys, a female sub and two adorable McAfee boys to cheer us on!  After a quick breakdown of the rules to the very new players of the sport and Chris being the Lawyer that he is requesting evidence that the theories of the plays really do work, we took to the field.  I am sure Colleen, James and Chris were thinking “what the hell did I get myself into”.  With ultimate lingo being thrown around throughout the game I am sure the newbie’s were wondering if we really were being forced home and having poached eggs after the game. 

We took a quick lead, Aaron rushing down field at lightning speed to get that first point of the game. We were feeling confident as we gave each other butt slaps on the line after the first point. Okay okay, maybe the whole butt slap part didn’t really happen but I wanted to give Aaron a butt slap after that amazing first point!

We have some very athletic players on the team this season.   Did anyone else notice Sandy and James high tailing it up and down the field numerous times throughout the game? I wasn’t sure if they were just racing each other or messing with their defender.   And Sanjeev and all of his many layout attempts.  Sanjeev told me last week he was still trying to get the grass stains out of his shirt from last year and after watching him play last night I actually believe that!!

We must have done something right when explaining the game because every single newbie on the team scored a point!  Our handlers (Jamie, Jen, Dan and on the odd occasion Jay) did extremely well handling the disc up the field despite the wind.   Cuts from Amiee , Aaron and Sanjeev were incredible leaving their defenders in the dust.

  

Next week we are playing the evil “Dodgeball” team. Aaron reminded us all of a few of their guys.  He particularly pointed out the dude who thinks he is all that with the pencil beard.  I will attach a picture of what he might look like this year so you can stay away from him next week ;)  It was also suggested that we all grow pencil beards this week and mock the dude lol. I will leave that up to you to choose but I am seriously considering it ;)

My only advice for next week’s game is to come out strong and do some dodgeball ball slapping!

If you didn’t notice we have a lot of names that start with “J” on the team this season so we thought it might be good to have some nicknames.  Especially when it comes to James and Jamie.  Last night Jamie said we can just call him “Teale” and we thought it would be appropriate to call James by his last name “Green”.  Once we said it out loud the whole table cracked up. Teale and Green. Now that is funny shit :)

The Armview, split the nachos nine ways, too much balls talk at the table, player of the game goes to… the three newbie’s of the sport!! Colleen Batstone, James Green and Chris Keliher!! What a great first showing from all three!  

See you cats next week! Expect for Colleen who is to cool for us and will be traveling to Brazil for two week to watch four World Cup games. Ya, we hate scraper already ;)  

Yours truly,

Becks

Self-Improvement Through Ultimate: Don't Be Afraid To Take A Dump

Back in my first or second year of university at Dal, my wife Terri worked part-time at an after school program at the Elementary in Porters Lake. On one particular Friday, I was to pick her up at work to head into the city for a then-standard night of binge drinking (ah, university!). Riding shotgun was a good friend, who – while perfectly nice – just happened to be that friend in any group who acts a little more badass than the rest. Like Donnie Wahlberg. He had the pierced tongue, the pierced eyebrow, always had a big bag of weed, and was the first to get a full sleeve tattoo. Y’know the guy…

Anyway, he serves no purpose to the story except to provide juxtaposition to the earnest preppiness of my wife, who was sporting her STAFF outfit and a purse full of gumballs when she climbed into the back seat of my grimy Civic hatchback. Shortly thereafter, somewhere between Mineville and Preston, she stuck her head in between the front seats and pulled an impressive Gene Simmons/Miley Cyrus tongue wag. And over the blare of the Faith No More or White Zombie or whatever it was, she said, completely innocently, in the exact tone and wide-eyed manner Mr. Dress-up or Barney would address a gaggle of 6 year-olds,  “Hey – my tongue’s purple. Is yooooours?!”

We still laugh about it to this day, and it is our go-to phrase whenever one of us comes across as overly condescending. My point? Well, I have started “coaching” my 3 year-old son’s soccer team, and have found that when I am addressing a group of people I tend to slip into my enthusiastic soccer Dad mode. So: (i) please be aware, and (ii) please tell me when this is happening!

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS – it’s great to be back. I admit to being a little less than enthusiastic about the season starting up again – and first games are typically a complete shit show (browse blog to last year’s opening day) – but after watching those silver Hammer jerseys march up the field to nearly score on first possession, I was once again psyched soccer Dad. And, hey - Dan is back! We have some added skill and height in our arsenal with Jay (welcome, Jay)! No one got hurt!

The game itself: while we lost, we did so respectably – climbing back to within a single point by the end, and doing so with only one sub for the whole team. I like playing All Odds, as we seem to be comparable skill-wise, and the games seem to be relatively well-spirited despite:

• Me being completely railroaded by an overly aggressive/clumsy red dude;
• Said clumsy dude high-fiving me square in the face at the conclusion of the game;
• Me accidentally railroading a much smaller female as we both watch the disc fly overhead;
• Nick pummelling one of their larger dudes in a tight battle for the disc; and
• Jenn ripping the disc outta the hands of a red dude in the end zone for a score.

I love it. Of note: not a single foul was called. Maybe we should talk about this next game. J

Ravenscraig Responsible Adult No Beer Night Player of the Game: Aimee “Queen of the Circus Catches” Yazbek. Holy shit. Honourable mention: Jenn, for advising us not to be afraid to “take a dump”.

I never am, Jenn.

See y’all next week!

-AA

PS: If anyone hasn’t yet settled with Captain Becky, please do so ASAP.