Bag Of Hammers 2014: Mer De Noms

We came. We saw. We cupped. We zoned. We hammered. We conquered... (*mic drop*). A surprisingly well-spirited game and a very satisfying win, y’all – although somewhat less satisfying without a number of the more obnoxious Dodgeball players present to feel the HAMMER BURN. Maybe next time.

Last night saw both the welcome return of Jean and Michelle, who both played great, and the re-introduction of the Hammer Zone-D, with a cup comprised entirely of confused dudes (including myself). Jenn had a monster game, and was thusly rewarded by the purple guys with a big brown bottle of delicious craft beer. As far as I know, said beer remains un-drunk (word?), so we’ll have to pay this forward next week. To put a title on this, I hereby dub her the Armview Fancy Chilean Greens (w/ Pino Grigio) Player of the Game. Kudos! Shout-out also to the great Jamie-Jay chemistry on display. Whee!

But let’s get down to business. Last night we discussed nicknames, after it became obvious that the only way any of us can possibly ever address Jean in the future is as Dijon (or D-Jean, as in “great D, Jean!”), even if we only ever say the “D” silently to ourselves. Once it was evident how much Mr. Pelletier did not support this development,  the deal was, howdoyousay… sealed. Further, given our James/Jamie/Jay/Jean situation, we clearly need handles for EVERYBODY. So, with historical Hammer nick-provider Derek left unfamiliar with many of y’all,  Becky and I came up with the following:

• Becky – CAPTAIN, obviously;
• Jamie – TEALE, obvious and necessary;
• James – GREEN, also obvious and necessary;
• Jay – TIM, as he looks remarkably like ex-Hammer captain Tim, which leads me to call him “Tim” from the sidelines… so this should make things easier for me;
• Jean – DIJON/D-JEAN, as discussed… sorry, Jean;
• Dan – COACH, obviously, because he’s the coach;
• Aimee – CHIPPY, as in Fish & Chip…py (see here), because ”tartar” is kind of a gross word;
• Michelle – PARTNER, ‘cuz she owns a goddamn law firm (or part of one);
• Sandy – BUNNY, for no good reason, other than LOL;
• Chris – SHARKY, also for no good reason, unless you count my nostalgia for long-since-cancelled Fox Kids cartoons from the 90s (i.e. Eeek-stravaganza!)… which as far as I’m concerned is a fine reason;
• Aaron – DOUBLE-A, as dubbed by Derek when I joined the team, circa 2006 (note: I’m old);
• Nick – FLOUNDER, randomly, because I think it’s funny… and because Gluteous McGlutenfree is too long and suggests his defining personality trait is an inability to eat french fries… and because of Animal House;
• Jenn – SALLY, in reference to her car, in the most classic rock of manner (i.e. Mustang Sally… groan), and because “Benny” would be too lazy of a choice;
• Sanjeev – this is a tough one, as I see a solid 3 options: (i) NEW MIKE, as he is ~small and quick, and is essentially a “new Mike”; (ii) SAN-MAN, as offered by Becky, and may also be an existing handle (?); or (iii) JEEVES, the stuffy English butler, which is by far the easiest to say – which do y’all prefer? Help;
• Derek – D-LAND, as dubbed potentially by Derek himself, or maybe Tim (note: not to be confused with D-JEAN);
• Marie – EMINEM… Marie MacCormick… M&M… obviously; annnnnd
• Colleen – PUNTER, because newf!

You may only reject your handle if you can provide a better one. Sorry if I have offended anyone (srsly).

See yous all next week. Drive safe. Play safe.

-AA