Ever wonder what happened to that douchebag you went to high school with? You know, the guy that wandered the halls, spiked hair and chest puffed out. Perhaps even donning that AAA hockey jacket (despite the fact that it was June and super hot in that stuffy old school). Because those jackets got you laid in high school (apparently). By super hot chicks. Well after last night's game, I can most definitely say he is not playing in the NHL and is still, in fact, a douchebag.
Last night was a night of introductions for the Hammers. First, the team welcomed newest member Erin. Erin made her presence immediately known by giving an unsuspecting lady on the other team a full on embrace. I mean most of us love a good surprise hug but this lady was a bit taken aback. No worries though, she walked away with a bit of a grin on her face which I am sure will be reflected in our spirit points. Thanks Erin - I can see you are already very much a team player!
Second, and perhaps most importantly, the team saw the introduction of Flappy Running Shorts. Just in case you forgot (as if) what it looked like when Flappy made his appearance (their appearance?) please click here http://www.break.com/index/who-wears-short-shorts.html Now Flappy played a very important role last night. Clearly there was the distraction element – I mean how could we really have expected that blond ‘roid monkey to learn the actual rules of the game and do something other than huck it deep when all he saw as he looked to the field for a play, was Flappy. And legs. Lots and lots of legs. But in addition to the distraction, Flappy provided the Hammers with a whole new pre-game cheer. And the benefits of the pre-game cheer are really immeasurable. So essentially, player of the game must go to Flappy. We hope you return dear friend.
Incidentally, this blog writer/wanna be sports journalist had a chance to speak with Flappy about his work last night and he said:
"So Numbnuts decides to wear me during ultimate (even though I'm specifically advertised as running shorts) on the windiest day of the summer. People are making fun of me as soon as we reach the field and I'm thinking 'Holy Christ, could this get any worse?!?' I hold out hope that Tim has a great game, thinking this could minimize attention coming my way. Fat fucking chance. Cocklips drops everything coming his way, throws ill-advised pass after ill-advised pass and makes both of us look like shit. I tell you... if I weren't an inanimate piece of nylon, I'd bail on that idiot faster than he bails on good judgment."
I don’t know about the rest of the team, but I sure hope Flappy gets over these feelings of animosity because even if there were some dropsies and errant throws (which I don’t recall but see above reference to the benefits of distraction), Flappy and Cocklips were a highlight for all.
Finally, and not to be forgotten amidst the other important introductions, the Hammers introduced the art of cupping last night. I mean most of us have cupped before – here and there at least. But last night our ever present and all encompassing Zone D, saw almost every member really master the cup. And with a strong cup, you are bound to have a rocking good night, and a rocking good night we had. Highlights for me were huge grabs in the end-zone (where we learned to clear out from thanks to Marcie and her soothing words of wisdom) and great hucks by our kickass handlers. Oh and I think Jason is up for “Mid Mid” of the year. True story. Get your votes in soon.
That is all for now homies. Peace.
12 comments:
I loved every word of that.
Great game last night Hammers. Sorry for bailing minutes before the handshakes - we were racing against time with Alastair's loose bowels.
Next week's pre-emptive cancellation has left me feeling empty and alone. Hope to see some of you beautiful people this weekend.
Three cheers for Flappy!
haha - "Flappy"
I'm going to have nightmares
Magnificent, Michelle, truly magnificent.
But Flappy - kind of harsh, buddy (heh heh... butt flappy).
While I have all your attention, as I have been feeling kinda guilty since my un-Hammeresque series of arguments with the hollering JFP cup ladies, can someone definitively tell me whether (a) the dramatic JFP pass "save" was really down, and (b) my equally dramatic pass "save", on the very next play, was down. Feel free to lie, for the sake of my inner Jiminy Cricket.
Otherwise - good win in the nasty wind, folks!
I was on the sidelines... but they both looked like they were down to me. The dude who didn't know the rules couldn't be bothered to doubt himself and given the score at the time, there was likely more harm than good coming out of an argument about it.
The rule states: "If it is unclear whether a catch was made before the disc contacted the ground (grass is considered part of
the ground) ... the player with the best perspective makes the call."
It's down even if it touches a single blade of grass before you gain possession. From the sidelines, I was fairly certain I heard the 'thunk' of contact with the ground, let alone touching grass.
But as Flappy says, "Don't listen to Roberts - Cockbreath doesn't have a fucking clue."
Good game, all. Pity about next week, but a doubleheader awaits!
...then I feel teh shame.
But not really.
I feel shame for having thrown a pizza cutter at your ankles. I was looking at Flappy on the sidelines at the time.
Def blame Flappy but I concur - from the sidelines it looked like both were down.
For all those able to make Saturday - get your party on party people.
Related to the above - BoH now have the worst spirit score in HURL Tier 2.
...huzzah?
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
We lose marks each week for our lack of uniforms though, don't we? That, and catching disks on the third bounce. Hardly fair, I says.
WHAT??? Spirit points are ridiculous.
Also, I would like those at Arcade Fire on Thursday night to post an entry about the concert. Please. I want to read it on Friday before I head to Moncton.
Can do.
Nice call on the GRANTLAND recommendation, BTW. Yesterday Chuck Klosterman did a second-by-second review of a live performance of "Frankenstein" that had me in stitches (pun intended)...
-AA
Grantland is awesome. Much billable time wasted there. In fact, going to read Frankenstein now.
Have fun tonight show go'ers. I waas rocking out to Keep the Car Running this morning in preparation for Saturday and for your comments!
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