HONEY MUSTARD!

On your hot dog. In your end zone. All over your Dodgeballs.

Oh, Dodgeball – the general chill-ness of most of your team is consistently, utterly and completely undone by your inadvertently condescending earnestness, forced spirit and the explicit, raging douchery of no less than (by my count) THREE of your brethren. True, the “Iso-Lars” is no more, but the Froot Joose and the flagrant body contact and the questionable foul-calling persists. That said, even though it was far and away our most contentious game, and we ultimately lost, and Greg may have sustained a serious spinal injury on top of some horrible-looking turf-burn*, it was probably my favourite game of the year.

Whyfore? Well, let me count the ways:

• ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS… SO MANY HIGHLIGHTS!
• D-Land shamelessly going “skins”, I assume to intimidate the opposition;
• Greg (or maybe Partner/Handbags) flatly rejecting his loaner white jersey that reeked like turned milk and assholes, in favour of a small ladies tank top;
• Chippy’s epic 60-yard dash and lay-out to chase down a long put from D-Land (confirm?), which was ultimately unsuccessful but finished with a fearless, face-first porpoise dive – AND CHEERS!
• The consistent big D from Honey, and the subsequent confusion from the opposing benches (“Are they calling her Honey?” “They’re using code words!”);
• Jeeves silent Fuck You to Mr. Joose: angrily tossing the disk at his feet, mid-argument, after a particularly egregious out of bounds call;
• Related: Coach and Sally’s refusal to respond with extreme prejudice in the face of explicit, raging douchery (as noted);
• Tim’s flailing end zone decoy, which allowed a sneaky Jeeves to grab an easy point; and
• The elegant beauty of our penultimate score of the evening – Bunny to AA to Honey to D-Jean/Peltch – hitherto known as THE HONEY MUSTARD POINT!

But there were so many others I feel I am forgetting (please, amend in the comments!). Read, re-live, repeat – it’s Friday!

The Ship Victory Ironic Yet Surprisingly Appetizing Victory Burger Player of the Game goes, collectively, to Honey Mustard (i.e. Honey & Mustard, the D-Jean variety) for some serious elite-type performances. It was unanimous. Note that this is in addition to the WTTWD Beer-it Award to Captain Becky, which is at least the third time she has won the award from the Dodgeball team. We’ve concluded that they have a crush on you. Watch out Mike!

Next game is at the Wanderer’s Grounds. Apparently, despite the loss, we’ve improved quite a bit, so it should be a good one!

Kisses,

AA

*But seriously, Greg, hope your neck is okay!

Take A Look At Me Nowww

What a satisfying win, team – what character, poise, determination and (*consults sports thesaurus*) compete!

For the absent, know that we rallied back from an early three-point deficit to emerge victorious, thanks to the sage guidance of Coach and Sally, who had us stacking and cutting like we were a fucking Tier II team. We had many factors working against us, though, from the wind to the sun to the wonky end zones (all of which, for the sake of this shaky narrative, may well have been wearing red jerseys emblazoned with a dry Phil Collins joke), but they were no match for our collective belly-fire; see a triumphant Greg/Anne standing over a petrified 4’ female opponent, screaming with jubilation after having tipped the disk from her grasp in the end zone.

Speaking of highlights – oh, there were so many highlights. From Chippy’s hat-trick (yes, WE’RE BRINGING CHIPPY BACK, it was decided at the bar), to Honey’s REPEATED defensive disk spikes, to Coach’s field-long Hail Mary bomb to me in the end-zone (that I, um, dropped), to Sally’s highlight runs/scores, to Cruddick’s confident pulling and handling (tee-hee), to Glutes’ second-half heroics, to Anne’s speed, to Partner’s celebrity dong stories, to Tim’s cutting and Captain’s general awesomeness, and Bunny’s remarkable restraint when faced with the most prolonged minor foul discussion ever witnessed on a Frisbee field.  Man, we so deserved to win.

Lion’s Head Frigid Deck Burger Player of the Game, clearly, goes to Aimee/Chippy/Tartar/Doc/Sauce, for the aforementioned hat-trick and motivational spirit/rage, and despite her most inappropriate sideline language (earmuffs, Oliver!).

PS: It was brought to the council’s attention that Punter is a poor nickname for Colleen. Thus, upon some serious discussion, Colleen is now be-handled SCREECH – strictly for her NL heritage, and not the bar-stabbing, horrific sex-tape having, hideous man-child, Principle’s pet that is Dustin Diamond of Bayside High. For the record.

Whee!

-AA

Quick and Dirty

This title is meant to suggest that this entry will be to the point and inappropriate but also somewhat describes last night's game.  Because our first big W of the season required quick feet and dirty foot blocks.  By dirty I don't mean to suggest that the foot blocks last night were in anyway inappropriate - in fact they were the opposite - totally legal and effing awesome to watch.  But I know Sharkie thought it was a dirty move, which makes it even sweeter.

But back to this - guys - WE WON!!!!!  An ass-whoomping some may even suggest.  So let's not discuss that they were a brand new team but instead focus on what we did well.  Which was score.  And score.  And score again.  Nice points were had last night with Sandy making me look good in the end zone, Greg recording what I thought was his first point of the season, Jean getting in some good runs and a few stellar points, and Tim and Armsy connecting on some long and beautiful passing plays.  Oh and Amy scored from her knees to her children's absolute delight!

In other news, Jenn doesn't like Freeman's and wouldn't come out with us last night AND the Lion's Head has sponsored HURL so guys, when do we play at the Pit!  I love playing at the Pit.  Mostly because I love the wings at the Lion's Head (or actually I love the deck at the Lion's Head and only somewhat enjoy the food and booze there but whatever).  Also, both times we have gone to Freeman's we have had table issues and because of said table issues I have no idea what was discussed last night over beer (Greg and I were forced to sit with the enemy) so y'all must comment on this amazing blog post to let me in on the gossip post-game.  Because I love to gossip.  Seriously.  I am patiently waiting to see if Joffrey Lupul gets traded because he slept with Elisha Cuthbert and therefore cannot be in the same locker room as Phaneuf anymore.  Also, rumours are that Phaneuf is a bit lacking in *clears throat* department.  Just is case anyone else was interested in this information.  My best guess - Lupul is not.

So on that note, I am happy to present the First Win of the Season Player of the Game Award to Sanjeev.  Because he was just awesome last night.  And made a few foot blocks which were awesome.  And funny. 

Peace out Homies. 

SHARKY'S LIES!

I'mma just leave these here...

EDIT: Sharky!

Like A Frisbee To The Balls

It was all a blur: of headbands and earrings, sod and weeds, blinding sun and gusty wind, hats and beards, innuendos and threats, picks and fouls, and so on and so forth. Individual points seemingly dragged on for hours; whereas the game itself flew by in a flash. And when it was over, there we were, again, on the losing end.  *womp*

But we. Were. So. Close.

Indeed, we had a FULL showing last night, with two complete lines worth of runners – which we dutifully split into (i) the offensive juggernaut of Line A; and (ii) with all due respect to my line-mates, the defensive dinghy of Line B. Led by Coach Dan, Line A went to work scoring the bulk (all?) of our points, with solid contributions from the coordinated white hats of Team Allen (hitherto referred to as Honey and Bunny), and the tireless cutting and catching of Tim and Sauce and Partner and Nick. Conversely, despite our best efforts, and the solid handling of Captain and Sally, and the impressively aggressive defense from Greg/Anne, Line B was not able to overcome my wobbly errant passes to the continuously cutting Punter and Cruddick and Pelch, nor my ability to effectively cover a 6-ft sprinting weregazelle. I apologize, humbly and sincerely.

As far as the competition goes, the 2015 HURL Thursday Draft Team (“Chilly”?) were an odd mix of decent to superior players, with a mere dash of incompetence and a general unfamiliarly with The Rules Of The Game. Of course, this latter point did nothing to dissuade their persistent calling of picks and fouls (from the sidelines!), leading to many awkward “so… what do we do now?” situations, which grew from amusing to aggravating to *face-palm* in quick succession. On occasion, Line B was tempted to call retaliatory “travels” on a few Chilly folks who refused to plant a pivot foot, but, in what would be a lesson to our picky/prickly opponents, we withheld – mainly because we had no idea what the subsequent action would look like. And for this I smugly award us an additional five spirit points (Becky, make it so!).

Oh, and I accidentally threw the disk into some guy’s balls from close range.

The Prospector’s Pub Gross Comp Nachos Players Of The Game award goes to Cynthia/Honey for all the cutting, scoring and defending (it was great!) and to Nick/Glutes for his ability to break coverage last night (on two bloody stumps for feet, nonetheless) and get so many looks in the end zone. IN NO WAY SHOULD THIS BE INTERPRETED AS A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT!

Random quotes:

- “He gets the Woody of the Game!” “Speak for yourself”

- “Everything is *this* small when it’s 7-degrees out”

- “I’d like to go drop kick that one right in the fucking face”

- “This tastes like a urinal puck smells”

- “Jesus, Aaron, stop talking”

(Feel free to add more in the comments, folks. I found myself chuckling through most of the game and the post-game, but now I can’t recall most of the good ones… dammit!)

Thanks, team – see y’all next week!

-Aaron

Where It's At

Where to begin?

Oh, it was great being back out on the open field again… feeling the hurricane force winds in my hair… the sting of a Frisbee launched at close range into my shoulder… the salty taste of my own sweat, after 8-10 minutes of hopelessly trying to advance the disc against the wind. And, for realz, though, seeing all yous guys… *closes eyes, extends arms in hugging motion*. The winter was long and brutal, and last week I holed myself in my bedroom, wrapped in self-pity and questionable AIDS jokes; this week’s game was a welcome throwback, despite the loss.

Our competitors last night were effectively our doppelganger, with similar grey beards, attending families, newbs, and lax attitudes. We both employed the same defensive strategy (zone D, in week 2!), and offensive strategy (swing, swing, go deep!). Truly, it was like staring onto a sweaty, funhouse mirror. At no point did I feel angsty or angry, at no point did we appear over-matched, and with the exception of one mildly contested goal line pass, there was no controversy to speak of. Hell, there wasn’t a single foul called. This game was a model of co-ed recreational sports – GOOD JOB EVERYBODY!

I don’t recall who all did what, but I do know The Pelch made an awesome effort to run down an aggressive put by yours truly; Armsy caught nearly everything sent her way; Greg “Anne o’ GG” went bravely horizontal for a number of free discs; Nick eventually showed up; Tim scored a couple (at least); and our expanding list of voluntary handlers saved many a’ windblown swing pass, and deftly broke the Red’s cup, as needed. There was no obvious Armview/Orgazmo Hamster Style Player of the Game, but I’ll give to Captain Becky for both handling AND running the cup, nearly every shift.

As I imparted in last week’s comments, worry not for close losses, team, for they will keep us playing in the appropriate tier of the league. Too many big wins, and we get bumped up with the big boys/girls, whereupon the level of skill and angst and nit-picking and douchiness and humiliation drastically increases. Our wins will come (we have some crazy athletic folks on this team), but don’t get down when they don’t. Om.

See y’all next week!

-AA

WTF AA!

First game of the year - WOOOOOO.  First loss of the year - BOOOOOO.  No, no, that is not fair.  Because last night we had an excellent showing - both in numbers and in skill. 

For the newbies on this team, our first game of the year is never our best.  In fact, it is almost always our worst.  We are ironing out kinks, learning how to handle again, and quite frankly we are all trying to get back into peak physical condition (other than me because I am a fine human specimen always ready to compete in the Olympics).  In fact, Cruddick and I reminisced over watery beer that one year we lost our first game 0-15.  In about 35 minutes.  It was likely the fastest game of Ultimate ever played.  So last night was not that.  Not by a long-shot.  And for that, we celebrate.

What else to celebrate you ask?  Well, I very much celebrated the fact that the guy with the key who was supposed to open the gate at 6pm to let everyone onto this field finally showed up at 730pm meaning I did not have to risk injury to my yahuda once again by trying to climb over that damn chain link fence.  I think Jenn's leg and Sanjeev's arms (though I hear Becky is quite light) appreciated it as well.  I also think we should celebrate the new members of the team - Katrina who really increases our height average, Cynthia who will need a catchy nickname to rival her husband's (Bunny), and Greg who got into our car with grass in his hair because of the extra effort he put into his catches on the field.  All in all, we are one hell-of-an impressive group.

What not to celebrate you ask?  Douchenozzle with the white glasses.  As I pointed out to D-Jean on the sidelines - when you are a dude and you are wearing white sunglasses to play frisbee, I am likely going to hate you.  Then you pushed Tim when it was unnecessary to do so given you are a foot taller than he is and that was just mean spirited.  Also, AA where the hell were you?  First game of the year and our blogger and cheer-leader was MIA.  I heard you were "sick."  I also heard you were at work that day.  It doesn't add up I tell you.  Doesn't quite add up.  If you were a lady, I would 100% be convinced you were preggers.  Are you preggers?  You best be there next game.

Finally, the Freeman's Waitress with a Tattoo on her Boob that Dan and Greg analysed quite closely Player of the Game Award will be split between Captain Becky and Coach Dan.  Because they both played awesome, as evidenced by the other team commenting "shit, that guy in fast" and also because we would not be a team if not for Captain and we wouldn't be near as good if not for Coach.

PS.  We all have nicknames on this team so you newbies beware.  We are thinking of your handles and they will be assigned in the next couple of weeks. 

Peace out.

MK