Book It, Hammer.

Another year hast come and gone, as has another year-end tournament on the Spryfieldian Plains of Graves-Oakley. And while we came up win-less, we did so in typical Hammer fashion - that is, with maximum effort, relative dignity, and while maintaining a distinct moral high ground over our leering, nit-picking, douchey and grumbling opponents. We can do no wrong, folks, trust me - we are infallible!

Play of the day, possibly the year(!), was that beautiful hammer by Cruddick to a sliding-on-her-knees-through-the-end-zone Aimee for the score. It was a thing of beauty. Honourable mentions to Marie and Jenn for their dramatic entrances, sacrificing their health and workplace responsibilities to make it out and contribute. 

Pics from the day (including those by honorary BoH 2013 documentarian, Jenn) can be found at this link (along with 100+ pics from years past): :http://www.flickr.com/photos/muiseam/sets/72157620568162050. Enjoy!

It was a good year, team. We did lots of running, lots of throwing, some drinking, some eating... and while there were a few regrettable moments (sorry) there was also lots of learning and laughing (just like that movie... Rudy). I tally a net gain on the year... success! Big thanks to Becky for captaining, and to Gregor, Jamie and Derek for their roles as handlers. Y'all are rocks.

Hope you all make it out again next year, and to Chris and Aimee's on the 21st.

Kisses,
Aaron

PS: Here, my dears.
 

ISO LARS!!!

Ah, yes - the "Iso Lars": a terrific example of  the aggressive douchiness of the Dodgeball team (our new arch nemeses), as shouted loudly and repeatedly by their pencil-bearded handler while the rest of the purple team sprinted circles around the end zone. Apparently it means "get open, Lars", where Lars is their lanky, INTENSE, bandana'd, bespectacled and (I suspect) Asberger'd phenom who nearly drove both Derek and myself to commit acts of extreme violence. But let's skip over the unpleasantries, as they detract from the pleasantries of our sweet sweet (SWEET) victory last night (made all the sweeter by the aforementioned douchiness of our victims, as well as the revenge for the 15-0 drubbing we received at their douchey hands in week one)...

No discussion of last night's game would be complete without acknowledgment of THE CATCH - an act of wondrous magic as pulled off by Captain Becky, who rescued the disc from certain purple peril just as the game was at risk of slipping through our fingers. I gasped. It is enough to earn her the Lion's Head Awkward Karaoke Stalling Player of the Game, along with Hammer QB Mr. Teale.

But as always, we all played well. Derek sacrificed both quads and Jenn potentially affected her ability to walk to give us this win (seriously, hope you guys are doing okay today). Diedre was able to make it out again. We snagged circus catches aplenty. I think we all may have scored or assisted on a point last night. And Nick wore this:

Rest up, my pretties, for next week another victim awaits.
-AA

FISH & CHIPS!

We came. We saw. We conquered... finally, mercilessly. Bolstered by the addition of the elusive Jamie Teale, captain emeritus Derek Land and the motivational battered foods Aimee ate on her way to the field, the Hammers grabbed the early lead and never let up - piling on the All Odds out of fear of a Maple Leaf-esque collapse (a lesson learned years ago by past incarnations of the Hammers). Then came the sweet sweet (sweet) taste of victory, which tastes a lot like Stella. Mmm (and thanks!)...

While everybody seriously kicked fucking ass last night, and the added handler hands of Jamie and Derek were big pluses, and the female contingent totally outplayed the red ladies with minimal available subbage, consensus Lower Deck Gluten Free Alternative Menu Steak Player of the Game goes to Aimee "Fish & Chips / Tartar / Captain Highliner" Yazbek for her dominant play.

I love you all.

Let's keep this winning streak alive, yo. THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN!
-AA

Verbs!

Throwing. Catching. Running. Hammer-ing. Mis-hammer-ing. Swinging. Swatting. Cutting. Diving. Attending. Bleeding. Counting. Injuring the other team. Folks - we did it all last night, save for winning. I daresay if ever we were handed a game on a silver platter, the shorthanded orange folks did so last night (that is, handed us the game on a metaphorical silver platter)… before knocking it in the ground in a CACOPHONOUS RACKET OF SHAME AND DISAPPOINTMENT (metaphors!).

I maintain that victory will be ours soon enough, and we may not have to wait for another attendance-challenged team. We will will it so (we will). For the Bag of Hammers from last night were far from the Bag of Hammers from our first few games - we were patient when we needed to be, aggressive when we needed to be, we moved the disc better than any game yet. We just didn't score as much as we needed to win. Kudos to ALL.

Moving forward, I would like to propose a new offensive strategy/fail-safe. I call it The Gregor Offense. In this new offensive system, Gregor, the handler, never actually leaves the field. We also seemed to have more success with our ~horizontal stacking last night, which I may propose as an added component to The Gregor Offense, provided it can be successful against man coverage in future games. Otherwise, we can go back to our standard vertical stacking if need be. If all are cool with this, especially umm... Gregor, I say we give it a shot. As my daughter would say "SERIOUSLY".

The Lion's Head Glutenous Poutine Orgy Player of the Game: me, for completing the most awesome hammer in the history of HURL, with all apologies to Derek Land. Fuck all y'all! (smiley face emoticon) Runners-up include Sandy, Mike and Michelle for the majority of our points... and everybody else for everything they did that was good. Heh... SERIOUSLY.

Again, please let Becky know ASAP if you won't be able to attend next week as we may have to reschedule.

Huzzah!
AA

Hammers Get... Lucky?

Team, I really like our team. For better or for worse, we seem to have come to terms with the fact that winning every night is not terribly realistic - see: the general consensus following last night's relaxed albeit competitive loss was "that was a fun game." Hopeully no one is frustrated at this. Personally, it suits me just fine, especially when the games follow the same spirit and effort as last night. We have the cheering and the exercise and the social aspects of this whole "rec sports" thing down, and are working to iron out the wrinkles in our actual game. Soon, my pretties, soon.

Sincere kudos to everyone on their effort: Sandy's diving catches and Aimee's diving near-catches, tenacious D from both Nick "Big Boy" McGrath and Jean "D-Jean" Pelletier, good cuts from all of the female contingent - including new Hammer Marie (welcome!) and Diedre in her first game out this year, etc. This one was winnable, and with a few more breaks I'm sure we would have come out victorious (sorry if I sound like a broken record). Lion's Head Kinda-Pink Big Boy Sandwich Players of the Game go to Jean and Aimee for completing a perfect mid-range hammer pass - 'twas a thing of beauty.

In conclusion, here are some little known facts about Hippos:
- Hippos kill 2,900 people annually in Africa;
- The Hippo is the most dangerous animal in all of Africa;
- Hippos can weigh up to 8,000 pounds;
- A Hippo can gallop 18 mph;
- Hippos have been known to upset boats for no reason and bite the passengers with their huge, sharp teeth;
- Hippos are aggressive, unpredictable and have no fear of humans;
- The term "hippo" is short for hippopotamus;
- Contrary to urban lore, hippos do not engage in frenzied competition for white marbles; and
- Deryck Whibley of Sum 41 now looks like this:

Until next week Hammers!
-AA

#bagofhammers #blog #fuckthewind!

Thursday, July 11 - a game we probably should have won. Or at least could have won. You guys looked good: lotsa great catches, cuts, spirit, defense, etc. Melissa and Michelle done did a great job of consistently being open (albeit sadly, a few yards out of my comfortable pass range); Nick seemed reinvigorated after his time on the DL; Aaron took a frisbee to the side of the face; everyone else did the things they typically do well… really, we were probably a few caught dropsies and flubbed passes (sorry) away from our first win of the year. Alas... no. (Also, fuck that wind)

Thursday, July 11 - also the game where Gregor's calm, composed, near-robotic demeanor finally waivered, and six win-less weeks worth of frustrations were exposed via not one, but two (!?!) violation calls against a certain tatooed, denim hat wearing member of the red team. Mind you, the second call was more of a series of exasperated hand gestures and head-shaking then an actual foul call - but it resulted in an over-turned point and hopefully, a certain amount of shame for said certain tatooed, denim hat wearing member of the red team. Acknowledgement also has to be given here for the captain of the red team, who was quick to intervene in both instances. Cool guy. Srsly.

Thursday, July 11 - also also the game where Becky provoked an opposing player to yell at her for… something? Touching? Picks? Eye gouging? I'd be interested in hearing the full story here, Captain. Please, in the comments, help us out!

The Armview Mystery Duck Burger (w/ Fruit) Players of the Game: Michelle and Cruddick for maintaining composure and (most) bodily fluids after taking some fairly significant body contact from a certain tall, muscle-y, aggressive (and oddly unapologetc) member of the red team. Ooof. Hope you're both feeling okay today.

Until next week - please enjoy this as much as I do:



Tah,
-AA

Sauna Sports

I hate the heat. Hate it, hate it, hate it. HATE. HEAT. If there was a place on Earth where the weather was perpetually Octoberish - I would be there, always. So, it stands to reason that I am also not 100% down with playing sprint-intensive sports, in the out of doors, in 30+ degree weather and smothering humidity. But we're all in the same boat...

…a boat that saileth upon the disgusting, humid seas... until she ran ashore at the sloppy Fort Needham septic fields. And we all know what happened next: a painful and demoralizing intro, followed by a glimmer of hope, suggesting a possible late-match Hulk Hogan-esque showboating comeback, only to come up short, and concluding with a pile of sun-burned, soaked and sore Hammerfolk hell-bent on revenge... but only after beers and weird food-related dirty talk.

What the hell kind of sentence was that?

Regardless, I feel less demoralized (or would that be more moralized?) now than I did at the time. We were clearly still hurting from last week's double header; we lost our only female sub to injury (see discussion re: heat, above); they had some crazy tall dudes; Gregor and Sandy both have new newborns at home and are therefore both heroes, and probably pretty tired; it was our captain's birthday and between you and me, I think she was a little drunk; the moon was waning in Sagittarius; and I checked with Mike of the Fist Pumps, and he says our opponents "have some skill", despite their claims to have gone 0-fer their last 4. Hell, we executed our first zone defence of the year and mounted a minor comeback before succumbing to the heat… and the other team. And, did you see that catch by Sandy? Lots to be proud of.

I'm not saying we don't have some shit to work on, but last night was not as dire as it probably felt at the time. That said, next game let's make a concerted effort to tighten up our zone defence and our stacking/cutting. Plus, if I can stop throwing the disc into the turf, with these adjustments we should be on track for victory! Whee!

Lion's Head Coleslaw & Mozza Stick Combo Player of the Game goes to Sandy, for that aforementioned crazy sliding catch, and to our collective female contingent for finishing the game without dying.

Until next week, from the "deep position",
-AA

PS: heh heh.

Hammers vs. The WIlburys

First off, let's get this out of the way: traveling, what the hell is it? Because clearly I don't know. To resolve, let us now open our copy of the Official USA Ultimate 11th Edition Rules Handbook, as linked from the hideous HURL website, to section XVI, Violations & Fouls, sub-para J, Traveling, sub-sub-paras a and b (and keep in mind that this is a self-refereed sport):

J. Traveling: […blah blah bah...] each of the following is a travel:
a. A player catches the disc and either speeds up, changes direction or does not stop as quickly as possible before establishing a pivot (XV.B).
b. A player receives a pass while running or jumping, and releases a pass after the third ground contact and before establishing a pivot (XV.C).
c. […it goes on...]

So, basically: upon catching the disc, you have to stop as quickly as possible, yet may advance the disc without establishing a pivot if you can do so within three steps, provided it would take you more than three steps to stop "as quickly as possible", I guess. Sheesh - I can't see how this could possibly be misinterpreted, what with all of that solid objective and in-no-way-contradictory logic (maybe it will be corrected in the 12th Edition). Further, a call of "travel" results in a stoppage of play and a "check", which... god knows what the hell that is. In conclusion: that guy was a dick, and I am but an innocent angel.

MOVING ON. Despite the double loss, I thought we played quite well last night. Lots of great runs; some really good disc movement; some great diving catches from Aimee and Sandy and Jean (ha ha, sorry Jean); lots o' nice D (yay Melisa and Mike); and the usual expected but not-taken-for-granted handling skills of Gregor and Jenn and Becky. Our first win will come soon enough, and when it does, I may vomit out of sheer relief/happiness/poor pre-game meal decisions. If I had any suggestions, and these are particularly rich coming from me, we should (i) practice a a little more patience with the disc, (ii) work to set up the stack a little more consistently, and (iii) try to avoid clogging up the passing lanes. But, whatever, improvement noted all around.

And now for the Bag Of Hammers injury update: Nick says his knee is still sore, but less so than last night when he was forced to leave out of fear that he would talk himself into playing again (his words). This is good news. Meanwhile, Chris "Patrice Bergeron" Ruddick was able to play the entire second game with a sore lower back, and I've had no reports of him being hospitalized today. As for my sore quads, still sore... the drugs, they do nothing!

The Armview Regrettable 9:30 PM Souvlaki Wrap Players of the Game: to Melisa and Sandy, for their fabulous timing - arriving when needed most, to provide subs for our ailing troops. And for playing real good, too.

Until next week, folks - stay fit and have fun!
-AA

All Knotted Up

That's more like it.

During the pre-game disc toss/flip - my only real responsibility as co-captain aside from prepping useless info-graphics, obnoxious cheering, aggressive high-fiving and congratulatory back-patting (which, incidentally, I've made a mental note to stop doing, as it may be off-putting to some… at least I've stopped winking at people) - the captain of the awesomely-named Draft Punk team assured me that his team was "pretty chill", with some newbies, so to expect a relaxed game with lots of potential picks and fouls. Well, apparently, such games are where the Bag Of Hammers are best positioned to succeed, or at least, not be completely annihilated. A tie is not a loss, and a non-loss is basically a win, so... FUCKING A!

That said - to think what might have been had I not uttered to Jean, upon going up two points (the most dangerous lead in Ultimate, apparently): "feels good to be winning for a change". Ugh. And then at half, we made the similarly regrettable-in-retrospect decision to agree to one last point after time expiration - a point that would eventually negate our last beautiful lead of the night. So: sorry, Hammers, for my contribution to the perfect storm of short-sightedness and karma that denied us the sweet, sweet taste of victory for another week; clearly the patchouli-scented, hippy god of Ultimate (w/ knee-high tube socks and headband) has bigger plans for our team…

But the improvement, oh the improvement! Bolstered by the triumphant returns of Michelle, Jean and mighty handlers Derek and Gregor, our offence increased by infinity-% (har har); everyone touched the disc (many times); the scoring was fairly distributed; we were able to execute a successful stack or a number of plays; and I don't think anyone left the field wondering why they bothered to sign up. Improvement! And the highlights, from co-Freeman's Giant-Ass Key Lime Pie Ice Cream Beverage (w/ booze, pictured below) Players of the Game: Aimee and Cruddick Ruddick, who executed a fearless diving snag and perfectly placed hammer for the score (heh heh), respectively. Huzzah!

Seriously fun game, team. See y'all at the Spryfield double-header next week. In the meantime, I'll try to brush up on the rules...
-AA

Welcome To The Jungle!

Well, the first game of the season - it was what it was ('twas what 'twas?). And what 'twas was a (re)introduction of many of you to the Bag of Hammers, and even to the game in general - and by those measures, it was a resounding success!

As for the game itself, as I seem to type every year following the first game, it was merely a rough approximation of what we will soon become - a smiley and casually athletic team with good legs and hands... with a hidden dark passenger just waiting to wrap an opponent in Saran Wrap and dissect them into tiny bites at the first hint of disrespect (that last part may just apply to me and my repressed rage issues, but if it does by chance apply to you as well, feel free to acknowledge with the standard sociopath association handshake, and meet me at the Mic Mac Rogers desk next Saturday night to "settle my phone bill"). Once we are relegated to our most appropriate division, we will score points... we will win games... we will be competitive - I have no doubt. In the meantime, don't get down, enjoy the fesh air and exercise, and ask plenty of questions if you got 'em!

And myself, I acknowledge making some poor decisions with the disk last night, and will strive to hit the near open guy (apologies Melissa x 2), vice launching a wobbly, misguided bomb to a streaking Cruddick or Mike (but keep streaking, guys, KEEP STREAKING).

The WTTWD team awarded Becky and Sandy(1) the male and female MVPs last night, and I can't so much disagree - but note that we all played well, wind be damned. I'll also acknowledge Nick's birthday performance last night - playing through injury (a sore pinky - eat shit, Gregory Campbell), before slamming back two big beers and duetting with Laurie The Guy at Lions Head karaoke for a lovely version of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald " (eat shit, Gordon Lightfoot)**.

Can't wait to see y'all again next week!
Sincerely,
-AA

PS: did anyone pick up my Frisbee? I seem to have, um, misplaced it.

** Note: may not have actually happened.