Hammers vs Team Greg

Rock Paper Scissors Tuna and Tuna always wins is how the pregame speech went from D-Land, if I recall correctly.  Not sure this was that motivational but we really didn’t need a whole lot of motivation last night, with only 5 pink tuna’s on the field we called it a Hammers win and decided to have a little scrimmage anyway. 

Sally, Armsy and Black Guy (is that really Greg’s nickname!!???) quickly turned on the Bag of Hammers and joined Team Tuna (aka Team Greg) for the evening. 

Not sure if we are to blame for Black Guy not being able to fully show off his Ultimate skills each week but holy cow he was all over the field last night putting us to shame.  Michelle, you missed a great show from your hubby.  He was catching, throwing, intercepting, arguing, trash talking, and causing Team Tuna to lose all kinds of spirit points ;)

As Greg totally schooled us on the field we were out there having fun knowing we already had this game in our pocket.  Our passes were weak, our cutting was nonexistent, oh wait maybe I am just talking about how I was playing.  At one point as I threw the frisbee completely out of bounds I could hear Glutes yelling out to the team “we should have traded her!”.  Speaking of Glutes, how’s that shiner this morning? 

Highlights from the game:

• The handling skills from Double A while trying to make sure no one noticed his gaping hole in the arse of his shorts. Some suggested he just had his shorts on backwards
• Screech running it out making that epic long bomb catch in the end zone, scoring a well deserved point for the Hammers!
• D-Land’s amazing long bombs to Tim and Bunny before he had to quickly run off. Some say he might have had a bit of a bathroom emergency to deal with
• Glutes getting a frisbee to the face :) thank god you were wearing those sunglasses! I think that might of saved your money maker
• D-Jean/ Peltch getting our first point of the game and making that one handed catch from behind his back

Overall we had fun and cut the game short so we could get going on the after game drinks! We even invited Greg’s team out for beers.  If there is one thing I learned last night, it’s never play against a 6’3 girl when you are only 5’3! So glad Armsy is on our team and I never have to guard her again!

The chicken quesadilla, boneless buffalo wings player of the game goes to Double A from Bag of Hammers for his amazing runs and catches last night and to Greg from Team Tuna for his unbelievable game! We are expecting big things from Greg next week I tell ya!!

See you cats on the turf next week!

Captain  

Check Out This Wiener Dog Race

Ladies and gentlemen of the Bag of Hammers, I present to you my synopsis of last night's happy-go-lucky, scrambling loss... in cute dog gif form:

We were so very close. They were so very tall and fast. And there was so much jumping, flailing and falling down. *womp*

Highlights include:

• Big D (as in, defense) from Bunny and Jeeves;
• Endless sprinting and beautiful end-zone taunting from Anne;
• Big catches from Glutes and Partner/Handbags (which even caught the attention of the Chilly compliments dude committee); 
• Solid sideline cheering from an injured Cruddick; and
• The usual solid excellence, scoring prowess and enthusiasm from Chippy, Honey, Armsy and Tim.

Boston Pizza Thunder Mug (Pictured Below) Player Of The Game is Sally for so willingly and effectively handling in Coach and Captain's absence - and, really, everyone picked up when they needed to. We really, truly should have won. My apologies for agreeing to a conveniently early last point call (Captain wouldn't have done that). :(

Feel free to elaborate in the comments, team! See y'all (most?) next week at Lary Uteck...
-AA

The Curse of the Humpty Hump!

I can still remember as if it were yesterday: the blinding, warm sun hung low in the sky; the mild breeze carried the scent of deep fried miscellany across the Wanderer’s Grounds, where a total of six teams prepared to play two games (yes, WTTWD and Tuna got their times mixed up.. rookies!); and a wonderful mix of 80s and 90s hip hop soundtracked our every move.

And then we fucking destroyed the other team. Mercilessly. It was beautiful.

It could be argued, however, that the other team may have destroyed themselves, or were at least complicit to some degree in their own undoing. For one: their attendance was low (they were missing two of their stronger players). For another: over the course of one glorious extended version of the Humpty Hump, the red team (1) threw the disk straight into a female teammate’s face; (2) fought over an errant disk, causing one player to injure either her teammate’s knee and/or his testicles (depending on who you ask… personally, I say balls); and (3) lost a fourth player to a pulled a hammy after his 3^rd consecutive deep run, each of which was interrupted by the aforementioned injuries. It was a bloodbath…

…that we TOTALLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF! That, and their terrible defense.

The highlights:

• The entire game… all of it…
• Jeeves’ confident handling and choreographed man coverage dance;
• Arsmy and Chippy being everywhere, seemingly;
• We just barely missed out on an epic Honey-Bunny point – which, no exaggeration, would have broken the blog; and
• Michelle directing Greg to show everyone his “bird”.

Really, everyone played well, most notably Coach Dan’s A-line, whom (who?) I believe scored the bulk of our DOUBLE DIGIT POINTS. Sticky hands and strong cuts by everyone – there was someone in the open every time I had the disk, and we advanced it very well. We may, MAY, be approaching peak Hammer, people. I had a hard time identifying a single player more worthy than another of the Lion’s Head Underwhelming-Yet-Free Bud Light Apple Player of the Game, but beer-y consensus says Jeeves and Armsy are more than deserving. Good job(s)!

On the topic of the Lion’s Head Underwhelming-Yet-Free Bud Light Apple “Beer Drink” (it the same way the Sunny Delight is a “fruit drink”), please see the Bag of Hammer acting skills here, wherein we pretend to enjoy our complimentary promotional drinks, along with the professionally friendly Bud server who requested the shot (for unknown purposes… likely a billboard thanks to our striking good looks and demonic red eyes)…

Until next week!

-AA

HONEY MUSTARD!

On your hot dog. In your end zone. All over your Dodgeballs.

Oh, Dodgeball – the general chill-ness of most of your team is consistently, utterly and completely undone by your inadvertently condescending earnestness, forced spirit and the explicit, raging douchery of no less than (by my count) THREE of your brethren. True, the “Iso-Lars” is no more, but the Froot Joose and the flagrant body contact and the questionable foul-calling persists. That said, even though it was far and away our most contentious game, and we ultimately lost, and Greg may have sustained a serious spinal injury on top of some horrible-looking turf-burn*, it was probably my favourite game of the year.

Whyfore? Well, let me count the ways:

• ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS… SO MANY HIGHLIGHTS!
• D-Land shamelessly going “skins”, I assume to intimidate the opposition;
• Greg (or maybe Partner/Handbags) flatly rejecting his loaner white jersey that reeked like turned milk and assholes, in favour of a small ladies tank top;
• Chippy’s epic 60-yard dash and lay-out to chase down a long put from D-Land (confirm?), which was ultimately unsuccessful but finished with a fearless, face-first porpoise dive – AND CHEERS!
• The consistent big D from Honey, and the subsequent confusion from the opposing benches (“Are they calling her Honey?” “They’re using code words!”);
• Jeeves silent Fuck You to Mr. Joose: angrily tossing the disk at his feet, mid-argument, after a particularly egregious out of bounds call;
• Related: Coach and Sally’s refusal to respond with extreme prejudice in the face of explicit, raging douchery (as noted);
• Tim’s flailing end zone decoy, which allowed a sneaky Jeeves to grab an easy point; and
• The elegant beauty of our penultimate score of the evening – Bunny to AA to Honey to D-Jean/Peltch – hitherto known as THE HONEY MUSTARD POINT!

But there were so many others I feel I am forgetting (please, amend in the comments!). Read, re-live, repeat – it’s Friday!

The Ship Victory Ironic Yet Surprisingly Appetizing Victory Burger Player of the Game goes, collectively, to Honey Mustard (i.e. Honey & Mustard, the D-Jean variety) for some serious elite-type performances. It was unanimous. Note that this is in addition to the WTTWD Beer-it Award to Captain Becky, which is at least the third time she has won the award from the Dodgeball team. We’ve concluded that they have a crush on you. Watch out Mike!

Next game is at the Wanderer’s Grounds. Apparently, despite the loss, we’ve improved quite a bit, so it should be a good one!

Kisses,

AA

*But seriously, Greg, hope your neck is okay!

Take A Look At Me Nowww

What a satisfying win, team – what character, poise, determination and (*consults sports thesaurus*) compete!

For the absent, know that we rallied back from an early three-point deficit to emerge victorious, thanks to the sage guidance of Coach and Sally, who had us stacking and cutting like we were a fucking Tier II team. We had many factors working against us, though, from the wind to the sun to the wonky end zones (all of which, for the sake of this shaky narrative, may well have been wearing red jerseys emblazoned with a dry Phil Collins joke), but they were no match for our collective belly-fire; see a triumphant Greg/Anne standing over a petrified 4’ female opponent, screaming with jubilation after having tipped the disk from her grasp in the end zone.

Speaking of highlights – oh, there were so many highlights. From Chippy’s hat-trick (yes, WE’RE BRINGING CHIPPY BACK, it was decided at the bar), to Honey’s REPEATED defensive disk spikes, to Coach’s field-long Hail Mary bomb to me in the end-zone (that I, um, dropped), to Sally’s highlight runs/scores, to Cruddick’s confident pulling and handling (tee-hee), to Glutes’ second-half heroics, to Anne’s speed, to Partner’s celebrity dong stories, to Tim’s cutting and Captain’s general awesomeness, and Bunny’s remarkable restraint when faced with the most prolonged minor foul discussion ever witnessed on a Frisbee field.  Man, we so deserved to win.

Lion’s Head Frigid Deck Burger Player of the Game, clearly, goes to Aimee/Chippy/Tartar/Doc/Sauce, for the aforementioned hat-trick and motivational spirit/rage, and despite her most inappropriate sideline language (earmuffs, Oliver!).

PS: It was brought to the council’s attention that Punter is a poor nickname for Colleen. Thus, upon some serious discussion, Colleen is now be-handled SCREECH – strictly for her NL heritage, and not the bar-stabbing, horrific sex-tape having, hideous man-child, Principle’s pet that is Dustin Diamond of Bayside High. For the record.

Whee!

-AA