Well that was a thing of beauty Hammers

Said former Hammer Captain D-Land from the sidelines of last night's IMPRESSIVE 11-10 win (former in that he is no longer captain - for the record he is still a member of said Hmmers and also very much alive as he showed last night when he took out not one, but two of the Dodgeball girls - more on that later).  Quite frankly I don't even know where to begin - there was just so many good things that happened last night.  Oh wait, I do know where to begin....

One thing is for certain - I should not be allowed to lead any cheer.  Like ever.  I mean it is an actual miracle that we won given my incompetence in the cheer circle.  It could have really deflated the team before we even began.  It was awkard. I was screaming STOP and no one was following. I forgot the importance of the "On three" statement.  I mean what the f*ck.  So I thank you all for last night's win and you making me feel better about my collosal failure.  To express my sincere thanks here are my personal messages:

Captain - thank you for turning to me in the cheer circle and telling me - forcefully I might add - that I must lead the cheer.  I blame you for my deflated self-confidence and the random teary episodes I have been suffering from all day.  I mean perhaps this is a learning moment and in a few years, after many dollars spent in therapy, I will thank you for teaching me this important lesson.  Probably not though.

Green - your dedication to being a circus clown in your sparetime is serving you well.  I mean that is the only explanation for that jump, catch between the legs, hop up disc catch in the end zone last night.  Which was a thing of beauty.  And sure to make the TSN Top Ten which apparently does show Ultimate highlights - when they are worthy.  I also award you the "WTF to no drinks after Ultimate" Player of the Game.

Tim - thank you for bringing back the beard.  I was confused by your clean shaven face.  Also, nice hands last night.  I attribute this to the beard.  And there were more than a few impressive diving grabs.

D-Jean/Dijon/any other hilarious D nickname inlcuding some basketball player named Dirk - thank you for running in at top speed to the end zone where Sauce and I stood looking/watching a disc that we may not have caught.  Not only did you catch said disc which resulted in a point (phewf) but also SCARED THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF US.  The other team was heard saying "did you see that guy try to take out two of his own girls."  Anyway, that one point was clearly the difference so we thank you for ensuring that disc did not drop and not putting physical safety in the way of a victory.

D-Land - speaking of physical safety...thank you for taking out two of the Dodgeball girls - one quite forcefully.  I mean those girls were SO difficult to deal with.  They were friendly, talked to us, played hard but were not agravating (other than the hairy girl who was not so much agravating but just weird).  They deserved that body check message.  Also, nice work being rewarded with spirit beer for such physical prowess.  This is why I like playing the Dodgeball team.  They get the true "spirit" of the game.

Coach - thank you for not knowing Honey Boo Boo's Father's name.  If you had known said name, your role and nickname may be in issue.  Fortunately your calming nature and commitment to the team and your role as Coach ensured another Hammers V.

Doc Sauce - thank you for letting us change your nickname from Sauce to Doc Sauce.  And for making me and Sally laugh a lot all game.  Like all game.

Bunny - I think last night it became clear that you are called Bunny not because it is funny (but wholly crap it is) but because you just keep going and going.  There was a lot of running by you last night.  A lot.  Fast running.  Very fast.  Good work.

Sharky - thank you for sitting down with Green in between his circus gigs and developing plays for the two of you.  The one you refered to as "3" last night was pure brilliance.  And impressive to watch.  You two are a force.  Good work.

Punter - have we decided your nickname is offensive?  I think (hope) we agreed on no.  Regardless, you were amazing last night.  I like the initiative to try some handling.  And there was a really, really nice point in there for you and Captain.  Woot.

Sally - you are the master of the flick.  Don't let anyone tell you backhand is the way to go.  It is not.  In many facets of life but mostly Ultimate. 

So there.  Long-winded, late entry.  You are welcome.

xo MK

Ruh-Roh!

The wind. It blows, both literally and figuratively, at least for us Hammers, at least for last night. And our opponents, seemingly-friendly as they may have been, smartly rode said beast wind like a deranged Pegasus, repeatedly pinning us on our own goal by some combination of godless black magic and ample zone cuppage. The situation was bleak, and spirits were low. Bunny was nursing a wounded wrist; Glutes a wonky groin (or leg, or something). But then, in a pulpy second act twist, the Hammers crack coaching staff - led by… Coach and coach-emeritus DL - unmasked our opponent’s strategy, revealing our path forward, “solving the mystery”, if you will.

(Yes, yes - this Scooby-Doo theme is a mess… but, onward!)

This season, we have become something of a second half team, and this was also the case last night. After re-grouping at half, we were able to climb to within spitting distance of our foes. Certainly, they were dreaming of a 15-3 romp, and they would have achieved it, too, if it weren’t for us drat kids. BOOM! (*sigh*).

EDIT: We lost, 12-7.

Highlights, lowlights and revelations:

• DL making it out for his first game of the year, then CLEARING THE FENCE with a monstrous hammer (high/lowlight: the subsequent wardrobe malfunction of the zealous dude who went to retrieve it);
• Rookie (this is now Ally’s nickname, btw) appearing to score (yay), but standing mere inches off the field (booooo);
• Strong D from The Pelch (this is now D-Jean’s nickname, btw) and Punter;
• Check out the sticky fins on Sharky, who chased down a few big passes;
• Big scores from Bunny and Partner and fearless handling from Captain and Coach;
• Did one of THEM berate a fellow teammate? I heard rumblings over beers, but didn’t get all the details… please elaborate in the comments; and
• Last but not least, in a wild revelation, it has been discovered that Tim was once a member of the pre-Bag Of Hammers HURL franchise XXX, where he played with DL and quite possibly his namesake. Serendipity! And now I am off to revise our Hammers History spreadsheet, which is becoming increasingly spider-webby.

And I award the Poorly-Received Ugly T-Shirt Player Of the Game Award to Sharky, for his goal line snags and determination to learn the forward fin flick. Atta-boy, Sharky.

See y’all next week,

AA

On Sharks, Dolphns & Hammers

“Well, that was fun”, said the old man blog author, seriously, while quietly lamenting the soreness of his hamstrings and glutes, thereby acknowledging the unyielding passage of time and slow onward march towards death, “I should have stretched”.

Then he re-read his opening sentence and, with a lengthy sigh punctuated with a belch, acknowledged it was terrible, but refused to delete or re-write it because he only has about 20 minutes of lunch break to write these things and can’t be bothered to revisit every poorly worded passage that seems to suggest in the third person that the author is capable of communicating four things simultaneously.

Where was I? Oh right, the game. Well done, Hammers. First thing’s first – we LOOKED AWESOME in our sweet sweet (sweet) new duds:

While we lost, it’s true, we lost by a mere two despite giving the Dolphins a four point head-start. Close, fun games with results like these will keep us sitting pretty in the appropriate tier of the league – which is VERY important because the potential for both blowouts and encounters with horse-legged, anal-retentive rule Nazis is directly proportional to league standing. Be forewarned. It’s also worth noting that as of this morning, we are tops in the league in spirit rating, with a spirit score of… Gold Star! I don’t know what any of this means, but hopefully it results in free beer (as it did when Picaroon’s was a major league sponsor – TRUE STORY).

Highlights: I enjoyed watching our nine-fingered Coach Dan swat away many a wayward pass; James “Green” Green repeatedly leaving his coverage in the grass clippings; a rotating team of fearless handlers (Jenn! Becky!) stepping up as required; wild circus catches from Tim/Jay and “Sharky” Chris; and solid passing, cutting and spirit from all y’all. I’m certain potential new (tall!) recruit Allie (Ally?) was suitably impressed also (she took a jersey, suggesting commitment). I also really enjoyed the looks of confusion on both teams’ faces as we called out nicknames mid-play. Sharky!

The Lion’s Head Creepy Karaoke Rehearsal Player Of The Game would have to go to Mr. Green for his multiple scores, in but his second Ultimate game ever – his quick success almost makes a mockery of the sport.

Have a good weekend, folks. Don’t blow away.

AA