ISO LARS!!!

Ah, yes - the "Iso Lars": a terrific example of  the aggressive douchiness of the Dodgeball team (our new arch nemeses), as shouted loudly and repeatedly by their pencil-bearded handler while the rest of the purple team sprinted circles around the end zone. Apparently it means "get open, Lars", where Lars is their lanky, INTENSE, bandana'd, bespectacled and (I suspect) Asberger'd phenom who nearly drove both Derek and myself to commit acts of extreme violence. But let's skip over the unpleasantries, as they detract from the pleasantries of our sweet sweet (SWEET) victory last night (made all the sweeter by the aforementioned douchiness of our victims, as well as the revenge for the 15-0 drubbing we received at their douchey hands in week one)...

No discussion of last night's game would be complete without acknowledgment of THE CATCH - an act of wondrous magic as pulled off by Captain Becky, who rescued the disc from certain purple peril just as the game was at risk of slipping through our fingers. I gasped. It is enough to earn her the Lion's Head Awkward Karaoke Stalling Player of the Game, along with Hammer QB Mr. Teale.

But as always, we all played well. Derek sacrificed both quads and Jenn potentially affected her ability to walk to give us this win (seriously, hope you guys are doing okay today). Diedre was able to make it out again. We snagged circus catches aplenty. I think we all may have scored or assisted on a point last night. And Nick wore this:

Rest up, my pretties, for next week another victim awaits.
-AA

FISH & CHIPS!

We came. We saw. We conquered... finally, mercilessly. Bolstered by the addition of the elusive Jamie Teale, captain emeritus Derek Land and the motivational battered foods Aimee ate on her way to the field, the Hammers grabbed the early lead and never let up - piling on the All Odds out of fear of a Maple Leaf-esque collapse (a lesson learned years ago by past incarnations of the Hammers). Then came the sweet sweet (sweet) taste of victory, which tastes a lot like Stella. Mmm (and thanks!)...

While everybody seriously kicked fucking ass last night, and the added handler hands of Jamie and Derek were big pluses, and the female contingent totally outplayed the red ladies with minimal available subbage, consensus Lower Deck Gluten Free Alternative Menu Steak Player of the Game goes to Aimee "Fish & Chips / Tartar / Captain Highliner" Yazbek for her dominant play.

I love you all.

Let's keep this winning streak alive, yo. THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN!
-AA

Verbs!

Throwing. Catching. Running. Hammer-ing. Mis-hammer-ing. Swinging. Swatting. Cutting. Diving. Attending. Bleeding. Counting. Injuring the other team. Folks - we did it all last night, save for winning. I daresay if ever we were handed a game on a silver platter, the shorthanded orange folks did so last night (that is, handed us the game on a metaphorical silver platter)… before knocking it in the ground in a CACOPHONOUS RACKET OF SHAME AND DISAPPOINTMENT (metaphors!).

I maintain that victory will be ours soon enough, and we may not have to wait for another attendance-challenged team. We will will it so (we will). For the Bag of Hammers from last night were far from the Bag of Hammers from our first few games - we were patient when we needed to be, aggressive when we needed to be, we moved the disc better than any game yet. We just didn't score as much as we needed to win. Kudos to ALL.

Moving forward, I would like to propose a new offensive strategy/fail-safe. I call it The Gregor Offense. In this new offensive system, Gregor, the handler, never actually leaves the field. We also seemed to have more success with our ~horizontal stacking last night, which I may propose as an added component to The Gregor Offense, provided it can be successful against man coverage in future games. Otherwise, we can go back to our standard vertical stacking if need be. If all are cool with this, especially umm... Gregor, I say we give it a shot. As my daughter would say "SERIOUSLY".

The Lion's Head Glutenous Poutine Orgy Player of the Game: me, for completing the most awesome hammer in the history of HURL, with all apologies to Derek Land. Fuck all y'all! (smiley face emoticon) Runners-up include Sandy, Mike and Michelle for the majority of our points... and everybody else for everything they did that was good. Heh... SERIOUSLY.

Again, please let Becky know ASAP if you won't be able to attend next week as we may have to reschedule.

Huzzah!
AA