Goodnight You Princes of Sprytown, You Kings of Graves-Oakley

Well, Hammers, a 15-3 victory isn’t something we experience every week. Or even every season. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time we reached 15. But last night was one such magical occasion – buoyed by the beautiful weather, cross-field winds, a no-brainer defense (that we stuck to quite well!), and a well-natured group of newb opponents. Oh, and an admirable decision to not let up AT ALL. Perhaps it was the week of internalized residual Dodgeball mindgame frustration. Maybe it was the inspiration provided by my bright orange-pineapple shorts. Or maybe it was the infectious energy provided by a sprinting, diving, scoring Chippy. Maybe all three?

Regardless, Hammers Forever-President-In-Sprit D-Land would be so very proud.

There are too many highlights to recall here, but here are a few: Chippy’s aforementioned (enthusiastic yet unsuccessful) layout; Bender’s huge defensive shift, featuring double (triple?) rejections; Punter/Wheeler’s point, caught between her pinky fingers; Honey and Bunny (STILL MAKES ME LAUGH) and their relentless cutting, and always being open… I know I missed a whack of highlights – y’all were too awesome. Jeez, did everyone score? I think everyone scored. It was a large night, friends. I’m still kind of aroused smiling.

The Armview 90s R&B Playlist & Heaping Guacamole Nachos Player of the Game is a collective everyone who showed up. Hugs to all of you. Seeeee you next week.
-AA

PS: Cruddick, you should prolly check yourself for ticks.

PPS:

Mambo Number 5 (or, Douche Bag Number 5!)

There were hipsters, incredibility bad traffic, food trucks, fouls, skateboards, picks, terrible calls, intense morons, bloody lips, really tall bicycles, a very cute 3 weeks old baby!! and a lot of angry hammers in the downtown area last evening.

I probably shouldn’t be writing this blog while still all fired up. But what a stupid game that was! Not much fun at all. I almost walked off the field a few times in frustration and anger. Could of been because i haven't eaten, but i think Mambo number 5 also had a lot to do with it. The whole dodgeball team just loved yelling foul and pick for no reason at all. That call on Bunny was hilarious. He was convinced Bunny shoved him from behind. Greg, did you catch that play on camera?? Would love to see the replay.

 Towards the end of the game after another crazy foul call i actually yelled out "Are you for real?” Can I really give this douche bag team 0 spirit points? Because I want to.

As terrible as that game was we did have a few laughs. I mean, come on Airbender (or AKA Fancy) was out there playing in his deck shoes. He thought he could pick up some speed his is fancy Sebago's. Michelle and Zoe came out to watch the game, which was nice, Chippy and Landshark were doing some great quick passes back and forth to each other yelling out “Sorry” now and then, every time Thumber would throw the disc the other team would announce “watch those wonky throws”, Leapfrog was doing his moves in our end zone getting most of our points, Sally was keeping the team positive and playing it cool as the handler and Sneak arrived to the game a bit late with his family in tow as he flew all over the field causing the team to screamed out “foul” as Sneak played awesome defense in my option!

The part that upset me the most was that Alex (Captain of the other team) didn't give me the spirit beer this game :) Maybe it was because I was out there being an asshole trying to fit in with their team while Honey was playing like she owned this game and caught their eye! I have to admit though they were bang on picking the player of the game! Honey was catching some tough throws all over the field! Meanwhile i was smacking down the disc right into Bunny's face causing a bit of facial damage :s yikes!! Hope you didn't need stitches Sandy!!

 See you guys next week in Sprytown!
-Captain Becky

WE'RE BACK (GUESS WHO'S BACK)

Guys, we won. Guys. We did it. There was wind. There was a little bit of rain. There were sharks and soccer balls and snot rockets and skin-eating turf and general confusion over where we had to play. And there were straaaaiined Frisbee puns. But we triumphed over all such adversity and rode home to victory on the backs of so many dominated ex-Tuna*. Speaking of strained.

Given our familiarity with half of their team, last night felt more like a chill soccer friendly, and so it was a great game through which to ease into the season. We were able to work on some fundamentals (stacking, zone), and slowly refamiliarize ourselves with the mechanics of running and catching things after so many weeks of sedentary hockey playoff binging and beer drinking. I am mainly talking about myself here. Also, it makes a UUUGE difference having Gregor/Bender back to give us that extra punch at handler. *air punch*

But make no mistake, Hammers, we (I) were (was) not quite at mid-season form. Specifically, we all seemed to forget the cardinal rule of Do Not Let AA Throw The Disc. And we all kept forgetting all game. Fortunately, Armsy scored a bazillion points, which gave us plenty of room to freestyle wind-blown pizza cutters into the adjacent field. Thus, Armsy is your Breton Brewing Red Coat Ale Player Of The Game – whee! In her acceptance speech, I hope she clarifies what the “genital rules” of Ultimate are (LOLOLOLOL), and how they may relate to that dude taking a pizza cutter direct to the balls without even flinching.

Individual play of the game was CLEARLY Biggie/Bidginity/Angela’s diving circus catch to score. I suspect this will become a thing. And I’m pretty psyched about it.

In short – good game everybody. I missed you all, and am happy to meet the new guys . NEXT WEEK WE GO FOR BEERZ.
-AA

*FYI: Team was called Tuna last year.

You’re The Hammer Bags?

Holy mother of god it was cold out last night! Our bodies were cold, the wind was a bitch and we could barely feel our fingers most of the game. Good to be back on the field though ;) Maybe the freezing cold weather can explain why our pre-game and post-game cheers were terrrrrrible! I guess it was me that was supposed to be me yelling the “Hip Hip” part between the “hoorays”. However, the halftime talk was extremely helpful! The old torn up hand towel that was probably on the field since last season came in handy when explaining the game plan for the second half (see photo below).

The “hammer bags” came out a bit rusty for the first game of the season but I have to say we weren’t all that bad. With two new hammer bags joining the team this season I think we are going to be looking good! Scott put us on the board early with capturing our first point of the season and Angela, well Angela had an AMAZING dive in the end zone bring our score to 4. This totally earned her Player of the Game!!!

We had a few complaints from the other team. Tony the tiger complained about our team height (I think it was directed at Armsy though), the loud stall counts coming from Fish and Chips/ Tarter Sause and the body checking coming from Bunny. I didn’t notice a thing. I did hear though, someone yell “That game was so exciting I’m going to crap my pants” oh wait, maybe that comment came from Charles and or James? I could easier make more comments on this game but I will leave it to the team to add in what you remember.

Here are some new and revised nicknames!

Angela –Bidginity -Similar to the word “virginity,” bidginity relates to the first time someone bids. Bidding is a mindset everybody has to overcome. Running full speed and bellyflopping the ground for the first time can be intimidating. It may be uncomfortable at first, and there might even be a little blood. But once it’s all over you’ll realize it wasn’t so bad and that you kind of want to do it again. Everyone will praise you for finally losing your bidginity and you’ll want to tell everyone the exact details of the moment. Most people lose it in college or even high school, and there’s always that one kid that lost it in middle school. Don’t be that person that goes through life never losing their bidginity. There is nothing that will bring you closer to the sport you love, so don’t be afraid to get down and dirty.

Scott- Leapfrog- One of the most epic things to ever happen in Ultimate Frisbee. It is the act of jumping so high to grab a disc that you literally jump over someone in the process.

Gregor- Airbender- An Airbender is an exceptionally good Handler capable of manipulating the frisbee in ways never thought possible. They seem to complete every single pass with incredible accuracy and execution, no matter the situation. They are also a master of every single throw and typically know the game very well. “Airbender” is among one of the most prestigious nicknames to be called in Ultimate. There used to be countless Ultimate Frisbee Airbenders in existence but that all changed when the fire- nation attacked.

Jay- Thumber- Just because of the way he hucks it down the field.

Greg- Sneak – An unexpected running play

Colleen- Wheeler (Wheel of Death) - This throw is extremely rare, most don’t have the balls to do it in a real game. It is a combination of throwing with the thumb and the hammer. Colleen has been practicing her hammer throw and this nickname screams “toughness”

Chris- Landshark -We all know that player that bids and lays out for every disc, sometimes way more than they need to. If you know someone whose belly touches the ground more than their feet, they are most definitely a landshark.

- Becky/Captain

That's A Wrap!

Let's not pussyfoot around here, Hammers - our dramatic, come from behind, upwind, game-tying point (very literally, at the buzzer) against our arch nemeses (as well as the subsequent Hammer to Sharky for the win) was the highlight of the day. Full stop. Frankly, it was a blur and I don't even remember who scored it - I was too busy screaming to the skies, tears streaming down my face, pee dribbling out of my shorts - to notice.

God, it was great.

I mean, sure, there were other highlights and noteworthy shit: Jeeves made a helluva diving/concussing catch in the endzone for our first (?) point of the day; we handled as a team against a frequently-employed cup probably better than we had all season; most of us played through leg, back, and bloody blistered foot injuries (our numbers were pretty scant by the final game); Chippy was chastised for being a little too touchy-feely (lol); and so on and so forth - all part of the mosaic of the day, that started with the aforementioned capital-V VICTORY.

Of course, we lost the next two games (11-5 and 13-8), the latter of which we came back to make it close, despite having one healthy sub still standing. There was a lot to be proud of (Scurvy was shocked that we were still upright), but nothing moreso than that first win. Everything else was gravy.

HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to Sharky, Jen and Mike for coming out and enabling us to (i) field a team; and (ii) field a fucking GOOD team. Collectively, you win the Pulled Pork (heh heh) Taco w/ Amazing Fries Bag Of Hammers Players of the Day. Kisses!

Thanks also to everyone who picked up the camera to take pics today - epic results can be found at the tail end of this Flickr album: https://www.flickr.com/photos/muiseam/albums/72157620568162050. Actually, have a gander at the rest of the pics and see if you can't remember everyone's names back to 20-aught-whatever (and sorry I wasn't bright enough to bring it out earlier in the season, to get shots of the rest of y'all).

Congrats on another fun season, guys. I love you all.
-AA

The Hammies!

Well, guys – it was a rainy, slippery, sloppy, Dolphin-y night at the Pit; our final tune-up before the big playoffs tomorrow. And… we lost, albeit despite a number of great plays and effort and big balls making foul calls and beautiful hammer points delivered by Screech and Pelch (both to Tim, I believe). Our opponents were also grossly undermanned, but were also a Tier II team – two factors that should have cancelled each other out, in our favour. Alas……

BUT, enough about last night, let’s talk about the season, as it is basically all but over for us.

Over post-game beers and burgers (while sitting awkwardly within the view path of our nemesis Dodgeball team, pondering whether they dislike us as much as we kinda dislike them – avert your eyes!), we tried to assemble a list of the Bag Of Hammers Rogers SportsNet Plays of the Year (aka, “The Hammies”… someone please come up with a better name). It was a tall task, so apologies if we missed any of your favourite personal accomplishments or superstar moments (I know, I know - there was SO MUCH to choose from), or if you don’t recall the play from my wonky description, or if I got the details wrong, etc. We came up with the following:

• Armsy’s top-down, reach-around, pants-soiling pass reception vs All 0dds at the Burnside Field
• The Pelch’s diving/behind-the-back/I-still-don’t-know-how-he-managed-to-catch-that-without-dislocating-his-shoulder point against a short-handed Discs 0f Fury in Spryfield
• Chippy’s two-kneed/Marty McFly guitar solo sliding catch against Hucker-Bees (Runner-up: to quote the blog, “Chippy’s epic 60-yard dash and lay-out to chase down a long put from D-Land, which was ultimately unsuccessful but finished with a fearless, face-first porpoise dive” – vs WTTWD in Burnside)
• THE HONEY MUSTARD POINT! – the dagger in the rotten heart of WTTWD (again!) at the at the Burnside Field (temporarily, as we lost the game)
• Glutes McGrath casually accepting a pass off the back off of WTTWD’s unaware Peter Jackson doppleganger, at Wanderer’s Grounds
• Jeeves’ signature, patent-pending EPIC foot block against Tuna at the Wanderer’s Grounds – for our first win of the season

Please, PLEASE, nominate other plays/players/points/games/food/dance moves in the comments. Again – there was so much to choose from; for example, Derek should get a nom for playing an entire game topless, and I feel Greg should be nominated for something!

It was an awesome year, Hammers – can’t wait to kick some asses and eat some tacos at the playoffs tomorrow!

-AA

Thursday Night Lights

Well, folks, the night started with Tim maniacally miming how Screech should intercept Captain’s inevitable spirit player of the game award, and STAB THEIR PLAYERS with the broken bottle, and- *deleted: long rant about frustrations playing WTTWD*

:)

We won. We WON. Fucking HELL that felt good – despite, or maybe BECAUSE OF, all of the petty squabbling and bickering that marred this, and every, game against this particular team (for some reason). And not only did we win, we made it to 15 points (!?!) and forced them to take two timeouts in quick succession. We may be peaking at the right time folks, just ahead of playoffs (which we will totally be participating in) – no shit, our successive cuts and disk movement were *kisses fingers* beee-autiful; our D (as Mike Tyson would say) was impregnable; our ability to respond to our opponents defensive strategy and capitalize (summary – go long, MF) was damn impressive.

D-Land – you would have been so proud.

There will be no Samantha Fox Touch Me Touch Me I Want To Feel Your Body Player of the Game today, because (cop-out) WE WERE ALL PLAYERS OF THE GAME.

Kisses!

-AA

PS: Sorry so short. My typing fingers are too fat, on account of being swollen with pride.

EDIT: For Dan.